Disney Princess Art Set.
10 Little Ladybugs book.
Mid-unwrapping chocolate marshmallow.
*We got a pretty late start on Christmas morning because we were up late on Christmas eve. This happens every year. An underrated, beautiful aspect of Christmas break is never having to set your alarm for two weeks. Our standing tradition is to open presents whenever it is all three of us get out of bed. There’s an important semantic differentiation between “waking up” and “getting out of bed.” The difference is difficult to define with words, as one would struggle to explain that difference without using the terms themselves. I’ll make it easy on you, generally, the difference between “the first person waking up” and “the last person getting out of bed” is anywhere from an hour to two hours. I’m usually the first up, and Madison is generally the last out of bed, looking like a wreck.
This Christmas morning, Madison was the last to make it out to the living room as usual. When she finally wobbled out to join Lynnette and I, she accused both of us forgetting about her. Then she said something about wanting juice. She slowly climbed onto the couch to return to a horizontal position. Lynnette asked her if she wanted to open presents. She perked up the way that deer do when they’re taking a sip of water at a creek, then hear a twig snap.
Disney Princess music player.
Aqua Pet (stocking stuffer).
Leap Frog My Pad (broken).
In the general sense, one might say that the Disney Store – particularly the Princesses section – threw up in our home and left without cleaning up. Every time Madison unwrapped a gift, I would peek to see if I could get a look at that distinct purplish-pink or pinkish-purple that is the trademarked color of the Disney Princesses.
She got a lot of stuff related to those characters. Lynnette and I picked up a Leap Frog Story Time Pad for Madison on the Saturday after Black Friday. It was the last one on the shelf at Toys R Us. Now we know why. It didn’t work.
Lynnette went through the trouble of downloading some of the info for the toy, recording Madison’s name, and then sending Madison a few e-mails. Lynnette and I were pretty excited because Mad is a pretty tech-savvy toddler. But then the voice told us to press a button. We did. Nothing happened. It appears as if the entire keyboard was broken. Madison was pretty bummed out. She had already taken to calling it her “iPad.” But don’t worry, we’ve already exchanged it for something else that Madison choose instead. If I remember, I’ll post up some video of her with it in the store.
Clue #1
Secret Location: Madison's play-kitchen oven.
*Once Madison had opened all of her gifts, it was time for Lynnette to open her gift from me.
All week, my wife had lamented the fact that “all the presents under the tree are for Madison.” I wrapped her two gifts, but only put one under the tree. It was an outfit I selected for her. Included with the clothes was the letter on the left.
Lynnette is a dork for the National Treasure movies, and treasure hunts of that ilk. Earlier this year, she and I participated in the Ward Centers’ scavenger hunt. So I made Lynnette work for her second gift. I know she loved it. For the first clue, Lynnette sprinted into the kitchen, opened the oven, the oven drawer, the toaster, the microwave, and various other drawers in the kitchen. She stood to read it several times. I told her that she could ask for hints. I also told her that I’m an English dork. I’ve chosen every word in the clues for a purpose. Maybe it was early. She was stuck. I told her if she took one of the words in the clue completely literally, she would get it. After a few beats, I said “Pretend!” She ran into Madison’s room and found the hidden clue. On a reality tv show? She wouldn’t have made it to the second episode.
Clue #2
Secret Location: British Authors Textbook (teacher's edition).
The second clue referred to the computer room (painted a sea foam green – somewhat Christmasy). But we have a lot of books on our bookshelves. “I’m going to have to go through every book?” Lynnette groaned. I told her that the clue says exactly which one to look for.
The first ones Lynnette thumbed through were about the tv show “Lost.” I can’t quite blame her, since one of the books is actually entitled Finding Lost. Then she started running through map booklets, and city guides.
“Remember, I’ve selected every single word on purpose,” I said. “That’s what I do.” She continued to sift through some of the books. Part of being a good coach and teacher is knowing where the line is for your players/students. The line I’m talking about refers to the difficulty at which your charge will move from “challenged” to “pissed off.” I could sense it in Lynnette, so I told her that she was looking at the wrong shelf. It didn’t take her much longer to find my teacher’s edition textbook for British Authors. “Ooooooooooooooooooh! The ‘thee’ and ‘thou,’” she said. Yes.
Clue #3
Secret Location: The mailbox on Madison's old house playset.
From this point, Lynnette coasted through the clues. As soon as she opened the third clue, she knew where to go. “I know where this is!” she shouted. She almost ran over Madison on her way down the stairs to the garage.
Madison didn’t really know what was going on, but she bought into the excitement radiating from Lynnette and trailed us down the stairs. As a testament to Lynnette’s awesome mom skills, she included Madison in the hunt. “Madison, you’ve got mail! We have to check your mail!” Madison tried to fly down the stairs with Lynnette, but she still has to match up her feet when she goes down the steps, so not quite. Lynnette’s gut instinct was correct, she found the clue in about 1/3,549th the time it took her to find the first two. I’d like to think that at this point, her adrenaline was pumping like when we went shopping for knock-off designer purses in New York’s Chinatown, or shopping for samples at the Fighting Eel store in Oahu’s Chinatown.
Aside: Why did they call it “Little China” in Big Trouble in Little China when everyone calls it Chinatown? What the hell?
Anyway, Lynnette’s husband told me that he wishes he could get her engines revving like shopping. He also apologizes for the really shitty metaphor.
Clue #4
Secret Location: The Cool Girls' Clubhouse (under the bed).
The final clue revealed the location as “The Cool Girls’ Clubhouse,” known to outsiders as the Higa Girls’ Club.
It’s under the bed. Lynnette high-kneed it up the stairs and sprinted into the bedroom. She basically dove head-first onto the floor at the side of the bed. “Is there a present in there?” she shouted. I don’t think she was talking to either Madison or myself. She commandoed herself under the bed – I put it in there pretty deep, as to avoid detection – and made those weird noises people make when they physically exert themselves in an unusually awkward position. For example: reaching for a ball under a parked car, tip-toeing to try to find the napkins in the top cabinet of your mom’s kitchen, attempting to reach for toilet paper in the cabinet under the sink after already having dropped a few turds in the toilet, plugging or unplugging a cord in or from a socket located behind a dresser or entertainment unit, and trying to carry all your shopping bags in the mall while carrying your daughter and trying to get her not to spill her Icee on herself, you, or anything else.
You're damn right I wrapped it with Star Wars paper.
This face made everything worth it.
I bought Lynnette an iPhone because it is something I knew she would love, but never buy for herself. I always thought that if you’re stuck trying to find a gift for someone, that’s what you should look for.
Anyway, I have enjoyed every second of my iPhone ownership. Every time I had to look at the display on Lynnette’s old iTouch, I couldn’t believe that I ever had to look at something so much less clear than the iPhone’s screen.
So Lynnette loves her new phone. “I got a new toy this year!” she said. “I feel like one of the cool kids!” she said. “Was so shame when I used to have my phone and my iPod out at staff meetings and my co-workers would say, ‘you have two phones?’” she said. She’s already talked to Siri a few times. She picked out a case for her new phone today. I’m glad I could make it a very Merry Christmas for you, sweetheart. I can’t wait until Lynnette, Madison, and I are lying in bed cruising with our iToys before we go to sleep.
