Hello (extends hand). Dr. Miles Tide. Please, have a seat.
Hey (takes hand), Marcus Eldridge (sits).
I see you’re thinking about having your powers removed. Before we get to all that, why don’t you tell me about your powers.
Sorry, Doc, but it’s a fucking curse is what it is. Basically, I can kill any electronic device up to 50 yards away from me. Boom. Dead. Just stops working.
Even something like a wrist watch?
Pretty much anything with batteries or electronics.
Why do you call it a curse?
The downside is that I’ve got a default deadzone around me of about ten feet. You’re computer’s probably stopped working (points to desk). I can’t use electronics, Doc.
Hence “Stone Age?”
Yeah (laughs), that was a joke. You know, “blast you back to the stone age” and all that.
How do these abilities help you in your “work?”
I can rob banks. That’s about it. 5o yards is enough to cut the alarm systems and cameras, and the cashier can still open the drawer manually. It’s pretty easy, actually. Every one else is just trying to figure out why everything cut out.
Did you always feel so negatively about your abilities?
No. Not at first (leans back in chair).
How old were you when you your powers manifested?
It was during my sophomore year of college- so what, like 19, 20.
How did that make you feel at the time?
It was great. I mean, this city is full of super-powers, but I didn’t really know anyone that had any. You go to class, every once in a while, you see somebody drop their pen, then it hops back up on their desk by itself- but no one I knew had powers.
Did your powers make you feel different? Special?
I didn’t really think about it like that. It was more “let me see what I can do” for the first month or so.You know, I’d do stupid shit like walk into the computer lab and kill everyone’s computers during mid-terms.
No one caught on to you?
See, I thought that was the great thing about my powers- they aren’t visible. There’s only this slight kind of hum or hissing, depending on where I am.
You said you “thought it was great?”
Yeah, until I figured out the ten-foot deadzone. I couldn’t see it, so I’d forget. I’d try to turn on the TV with the remote control and it wouldn’t work, then I’d get up to turn it on myself and it still wouldn’t work. I’d be like “what the fuck?” until I remembered that shit don’t work around me. That’s why I had to give you the office manager’s number to my apartment complex. I don’t have a phone in my apartment. I don’t have a cell phone (laughs). That’s why the whole “Stone Age” thing is so goddam funny- that’s my life.
And that’s why you’re thinking about the powers removal?
Yeah, yeah. You have no idea.
Then tell me.
It’s all the little shit. The shit I never thought about when I got my powers. I would never have thought about all this shit in a million years. I can’t use a computer. You know what that means? I haven’t checked my e-mail since 1998. I still have to buy porno mags- no, I steal porno mags because even if I wanted to pay, the register wouldn’t work. I can’t even watch old VHS porn. I read this shit in magazines and newspapers about how the internet has changed the world and I don’t even know what the fuck youtube is. I’m 31 and single, and I’d love to get on eharmony or something, but I can’t. When I actually do get on a date, I have to explain to her why her cellphone isn’t working. Or, or, or- the worst- when they pretend they’ve gotten a call from a friend or something- saying they have to leave- and I know that shit ain’t working, but they still have the fake conversation anyway. A woman actually told me that she didn’t want to invite me in because she didn’t want to have to reset her alarm clock! It’s fucking depressing (stands, places hands on hips).
So you miss technology the most?
It’s everything, Doc! Your office is on the goddamn 23rd floor and I had to take the fucking stairs! I cannot ride the elevator! I had to bike it here and I live across town! It’s like being a smoker in a room full of cigarettes without anything to light them with. Can I smoke in here (pulls out pack of cigarettes)?
No.
Fuck (puts back pack of cigarettes, sits)…
Explain your cigarette metaphor to me.
Whenever I walk through town, I see all the things I can’t use and it drive me crazy. I don’t know. It’s useless. But that’s everyday. Ten feet might not seem like a lot. It is. I sit in the corner of the bar and watch SportsCenter on the big screen from across the room while the one two feet away is blank. Whenever I’d see some asshole flying while I sat in traffic, I’d think “Having powers would be awesome.” You grow up with fantasies like “astronaut” that turn into “rock star” that eventually become “superhero.” I wasn’t any different. But like I said, when I didn’t have powers, I didn’t think about all the little details and possibilities of what it might mean. All I know is that I’m sick of it. I just want to be normal.
I believe in the way that you feel. You’ve said that you did not realize the “little things” that having powers might mean. Since Power Removal is permanent, I would like to ask you a question. Have you really thought about what it would mean to not have your powers? To be “normal?”
For fuck’s sake, Doc, have you been listening to me at all (jumps out of seat)?
Yes, I have been listening. And what i have not heard you mention are “little things” you will have to do to make adjustments without your powers.
I’ll figure out the technology. I was always good with that- you know- before all this.
No more powers.
I know.
How will you pay rent?
I… don’t know.
You haven’t held a job in over a decade. How will you support your lifestyle?
Fuck, you’re right. I didn’t even think about that. I’ll have to move back in with my parents. Eat their shit or ramen noodles all over again (looks out of window).
If you went ahead and had your powers removed tomorrow, can you even imagine how much different your life would be?
No. I guess I can’t.
So what it comes down to is another old cliché: Better the devil you know?
Yeah, I hear you. So… what do I do?
I am not here to tell you what to do, only to help you decide that.
I guess I’ll think about it.
You do have a long walk downstairs.
Fuck (laughs)… Thanks, Doc (stands and extends hand).
You’re welcome (takes hand). Please see the receptionist if you’d like to schedule another appointment.
