Though we scheduled our Mother’s Day as usual, the actual meal did not go as planned. Uncle Flor and Aunty Amy could not attend because of illness; Lynnette’s nephew Aidan was also sick and did not come to lunch. Worst of all, Avery ran all over the courtyard the entire time we were meant to eat the delicious Orchids buffet. She was chased by myself, Lynnette, Lynnette’s parents, and Lynnette’s cousin Jenn. Suboptimal.
Speaking of chasers, Lynnette kicked off Monther’s Day weekend by taking us back to 2003. We were invited to a surprise engagement party last night and for a few hours, Lynnette unleashed whatever shreds of pre-marriage, pre-mortgage, pre-kids Lynnette she has left inside of her and it. was. glorious.
***Mother’s Day Exclusive***
Party Lynnette: The Definitive Guide
1-Drink Lynnette: No commitments have been made. Maybe she’s just being social, could be partying. We gotta see, yet. I have a 10% chance of getting lucky. When describing drinks, she sounds like: Oh. That’s good.
3-Drink Lynnette: While there still exists the possibility she could slam on the brakes, three drinks is a pretty good indication that a good time will be had by all. My personal favorite Lynnette. She starts doing that shoulder shifting thing that she considers dancing and I consider sexy. I have a 50% chance of getting lucky. When describing drinks, she sounds like: Oh, my God, this is soooo good!
5-Drink Lynnette: There’s no going back. We’re partying. I can either get with the program or get the hell out of the way. She rapped Left Eye’s verse on “Waterfall” and I have video of it but she won’t let me post it because “[her] co-workers and friends would lose respect for [her].” To which the obvious rebuttal is “No, they will have more respect for you after seeing you flawlessly drop hot, off-key bars. I have a 25% chance of getting lucky. When describing drinks, she sounds like: What is this? Whatever!
8-Drink Lynnette: Rare territory. She’s laughing at all my jokes. She’s making her own questionable jokes. She and I took shots with our arms entwined and I have a picture of it but she won’t let me post it because “[it’s] terrible.” She looked at her phone two hours ago and said “What did I take video of?” I have a 0% chance of getting lucky. When describing drinks, she sounds like: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Lynnette got to that final level last night and our car ride home was just like old times in that only one of us was conscious. She was amazing last night, then shrugged off the pain to put on her mom hat like she does every single day. What an incredible 24-hour stretch from Lynnette. Happy Mother’s Day, Lynnette. Between your rapping and chasing Avery around the courtyard in your dress, just an epic mom performance.