As Good As New

Our home received two additions in the past two days. Neither of them is new, but honestly, I don’t care. Neither does Madison, apparently.

No more sleeping on the stiff mattress on the floor! Yay!

My parents somehow had two extra beds at their home. I guess it shouldn’t come as a surprise considering that Lynnette and I once lived there, my grandfather got a new bed a while back, and also my mother can never throw anything out if there’s even a 9% chance it could serve some hypothetical practical purpose. It might sound like I’m making fun of my mom, but I’m not. Those extra beds have come in handy on many hot afternoons when I’ve had to take a nap. Everyone knows free beds are clutch.

The Goob had been quickly outgrowing her toddler bed (which was originally a crib) because she is well on her way to becoming a full-fledged human. My parents brought over one of their spare beds – a twin – for Madison to use. Of course since my mom loves Madison more than any of her three sons, the bed itself wasn’t enough. She bought Madison purple sheets, a fairy bed skirt, and a Tinkerbell comforter. Mad was immediately all in on the new bed. When I tried to lay out on it for a feel, Madison snapped that I the bed was “too big for adults.” That makes no sense, but you get the point. So did I. My ass was off the bed pretty quickly.

Lynnette and Madison took the bed for a nap on Sunday afternoon while I watched football and did laundry. It’s comfortable, by the looks of it. Again, I wouldn’t know. I got evicted before I could make myself at home.

Honestly, this picture is perfect.

Finally, the Asus has come back to Mauka! After weeks without my laptop (the one with the functional screen), I picked it up today from Best Buy after work. I spent this afternoon downloading and installing a whole slew of programs, bookmarking websites, and changing preferences all over the place. I have decided to rename the computer “Voldemort.” Well, obviously it’s because HE’S BACK! VOLDEMORT IS BACK! But also, it’s because the Best Buy technicians had to install a new motherboard and fan. In order for this thing to work like it should, extraneous parts had to be cannibalized to replace the original components, just like how Voldemort needed Harry’s blood and Wormtail’s hand to have a body that didn’t resemble a shriveled little baby with birdlike features.

So, the computer hasn’t restarted randomly since I’ve been on it. There was this little hiccup when I tried restarting it, but so far, so good. I don’t know what to say, really. I’ve been burned so many fucking times by this thing that I don’t trust it at all. It’s like when your girl tells you she gon be some place and you find out she ain’t, dawg. How you truss dat, doe? Sorry, I just wanted to try that. I didn’t care for it. Anyway, that’s the analogy. The Asus is going to have to put in some work to regain my trust. This is the first step. Part of me wants to spend the rest of the night downloading Voldemort audio clips and assigning them to prompts on my computer. I think it would be awesome to hear “Only I can live forever” every time I start up the computer. And that scream he lets out when he’s dueling Dumbledore in the Ministry of Magic for whenever I open a program. Sack up, Asus.


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