“Well, you can kiss my 33-year old buns goodbye,” Lynnette said. I found out the hard way that she didn’t mean that literally. Bummer. Anyway, we celebrated Lynnette’s 34th birthday by taking what ended up being an inadvertent tour of Kalihi. It’s not the sexy, expensive type of gala I’d like to throw to celebrate my wife’s birthday, but you can only sell your comics and shoes once. I’m sorry your birthday wasn’t anything extravagant, Lynnette, but I hope you still had a great day. I sure enjoyed spending Sunday with you and Mad.
Instead of the lavish brunch at a hotel, Lynnette suggested Pancakes and Waffles in Kalihi for breakfast. I did my due diligence by checking out Yelp to see reviews and scope out the menu. I found the following gem written by “Ryan M.”:
I always want to try something else, but the corned beef hash loco moco is SO FUCKING GOOD. Came here three times, I order the same thing every time. Fuck.
Ryan M.’s review sounded like my own behavior at just about every restaurant I frequent. That’s how I knew it was going to be awesome. Of course I got the corned beef hash loco moco. I wasn’t disappointed. I don’t know if we’ll end up back there next weekend as per Madison’s wishes, but the next time we do, I’ll be hard-pressed to order something different.
The birthday girl shared her waffle with strawberries and whipped cream with Madison. Mad plowed through the quarter-waffle Lynnette placed on her plate. The Goob ended up eating half the waffle. It was alright, though, because instead of a cake, Lynnette got a piece of fried chicken with honey butter. Lynnette’s eyes rolled into the back of her skull when she took the first bite of the chicken. It was good, I guess.
Lynnette has been on a “black flat” quest for such I long time, I can’t remember when it began. Whenever a shoe store rolls their racks out to the sales floor, Lynnette meanders through, looking for a suitable replacement for a pair of “dressy” slippers which are “falling apart” (Lynnette’s words) and have “somehow avoided the trashcan for months” (my words). She came across a little birthday money so she was able to pick up a Lucky Brand pair of black flats. So ends the search. Additionally, she was able to pick up one of those half=sandal/half heeled slipper things that look like something Russell Crowe wore in Gladiator. Are you not entertained?
Lynnette’s entire process of browsing, then trying on, then deciding took a while. It left Madison and I to entertain ourselves in the women’s shoe department. Luckily for us, the women’s shoe department at Nordstrom features comfy seats and spinning stools. I don’t know – and I don’t really care – what other people thought of my daughter rotating with her legs stretched out shouting “Pikachu!” No, I don’t know what what prompted these shouts. When it was all said and done, Mad and I spent most of our time trying to tickle each other under the neck. Oh, and Madison told me that she can transform into a baby version of the Tick-Tock Croc, from Jake and the Never Land Pirates. She does this thing where she clicks her tongue when she’s in Croc-mode. Then she stands and spins a few times before saying “Now she’s a human again.” First of all, no, I don’t know where she came up with this. Second, no, I don’t know when she’ll stop referring to herself in the third person.
Though not as long and remarkable as Lynnette’s quest for black flats, Madison’s been eagerly anticipating some new “dancing shoes.” “Dancing shoes” are also flats, but because they are for Madison, they are not to be plain, but as flashy as possible. We found a pair of Stride Rites on sale. They are silver and they have fluffy flowerish things on the toe area. Madison kicked off the shoes she wore to Ala Moana and slid her feet into the new dancers. “You don’t wear these to school,” Lynnette said. “Dad?” Madison asked. “Yes,” I replied. “Can we go out tonight?” Lynnette laughed out loud. “Sorry, Mad, it’s Sunday. Would you like to wear them now?” Lynnette said. Madison’s eyes became the size of softballs and she said “Yeahyeahyeah” in that very quick, excited way which usually comes when she is offered candy.
We finally hit up the Shimazu Store when it was open. This was the second to last stop on our tour of Kalihi today. The order of our tour was Pancakes and Waffles, then Costco (to refill my ink cartridge), then Ala Moana, then back to Costco (we tried to take backroads, but then got lost), then to Shimazu, then to Marukai.
Lynnette and Madison shared a li hing delight – I don’t know exactly what he flavors were, only that both of them had something to do with li hing, and that Madison loved it. I had a red velvet/bananas foster. Maybe it was because I have shoddy taste buds, but neither flavor tasted like much of anything. But it was hot and the shave ice was cold, so I couldn’t complain. At the very least, we were able to cross another eatery off our list of places to visit.
My final gift to Lynnette on her birthday is dinner. I wanted to steam a whole fish, but Marukai didn’t have any. We had to settle for snapper filet. I cooked it the same way I would have cooked the whole fish, but it obviously, it isn’t as sexy as I had hoped. Lynnette said she enjoyed it, so I guess that’s all that matters. Actually, the final-final gift I will be giving Lynnette tonight is the gift of doing all the dishes. It’s her birthday, and I can’t imagine having to do anything so menial on my birthday, so I don’t mind washing them on my own. Besides, in about 5 minutes, the Cowboys/Falcons game is going to go final and I’ll be pretty pissed off. The dishes will give me the silence and solitude needed to get through the rest of the night without screaming at someone I live with. Sure, my Facebook page is going to blow up with taunts, but that’s okay.
I’m sure you are all aware that I would love to give Lynnette a final-final-final gift later tonight, but I think she will use her Special Edition Birthday Veto power to decline my offering. Ah, domestication.
Happy birthday, Lynnette!