Out With the Old (and ill-fitting)

I had some weird dreams last night. In fairness, I don’t think they were all dreams. I think a few of these mini-dreamlike episodes I experienced last night took place while I was awake and drifting off into sleep. I had a dream about football – I think it’s pretty clear why – that featured two acts. During the first part, I was looking over a playbook which featured overhead satellite shots of physical landmarks that looked like football plays because of their topography. WTF, right? During the second act, I was a college football coach, but I was watching myself in the third person, and I looked like the Rock crossed with Jabba the Hutt. Save your jokes. I had another dream about some kind of New Years Party that gets plastered all over my Facebook wall because several of my former students are into that kind of thing. I didn’t go to the party, but I was helping to plan it or something. WTF, right? Finally, I had a dream about baseball. I can’t recall specifics, only that I was pretty pissed off about something. There was a ball hit up the middle or something. I don’t think I got there. Save your jokes. I had this dream because I spent an hour reading Ron Shandler’s Baseball Forcaster 2013 before I went to bed. This is my favorite book. This year and every year. Oddly enough, I haven’t had this dream in a while.

Even with these weird dreams, I woke up before Lynnette and Madison. I made a breakfast of bacon, eggs, rice, and toast. I wish I could have taken a picture of it all, but it didn’t last long enough.

I need to get two more Mets caps for this season.

I need to get two more Mets caps for this season.

That empty space was previously filled by Ally McBeal: The Complete Series

That empty space was previously filled by Ally McBeal: The Complete Series.

Sometimes I think that if I didn't work at Damien, I'd have a lot more space in my closet. I told Lynnette this once and then she asked me what kind of clothes I would have at my other job. This is why I will never leave Damien. I can't even name the alternative.

Sometimes I think that if I didn’t work at Damien, I’d have a lot more space in my closet. I told Lynnette this once and then she asked me what kind of clothes I would have at my other job. This is why I will never leave Damien. I can’t even name the alternative.

After I washed the dishes, I dove into my side of our walk-in closet and tried to do a little end-of-the-year cleaning. I was intent on doing two things: throwing out a bunch of stuff I never wear and reorganizing the stuff I do wear. Missions accomplished.

The top shelf was previously littered with baseball caps. I had to throw most of them out as mold had found its way onto the insides of most of them. It was actually astonishing to look through the number of Mets caps I actually owned. I had all three of the official Mets caps, but since the Mets have dropped black from their color scheme (even the drop shadow!), both of these caps are obsolete. The one that still works (orange on blue) is too small. I tossed it. This year the Mets will also use a blue cap with an orange bill and a white outline around the orange NY logo. Again, fascinating stuff, I’m sure. Long story short: I have to spend $80 or whatever the going rate is now to buy two caps.

Most of the stuff that got tossed were things I don’t care for or were unfashionable so many years after I purchased it. There were also a fair number of articles that didn’t fit right (as in at all). There existed a dream in which I lose a bunch of weight and fit into some old clothes. That dream was folded neatly, stacked, then placed into a garbage bag and tossed into a dumpster today. It’s okay. If somehow I lose a bunch of weight, I will have a reason to go shopping. Silver lining.

The oddest part of this closet cleaning was finding the Mets jerseys at the back of the closet. There are a couple featuring the names and numbers of players who are no longer Mets. There are a couple which I would not be able to fit if I coated myself with grease and hung from the door frame. Because of the Mets’ change in color scheme, none of the jerseys I are technically up to date. When I realized this, it made me sad. In a few seconds, though, I had an epiphany that made me smile. I have been a Mets fan for so long, it pre-dates my relationship with Lynnette, graduating college, smoking, Madison, adulthood, and fat. It’s the last vestige of the old me. METS IN 2013!

A welcomed reward.

A welcomed reward.

Lynnette and I have been systematically cleaning the house since Saturday afternoon. My parents came over Saturday night, so we had to do a kick-ass job of cleaning in a short period of time. Lynnette and I are a better team than Pitbull and Bud Light when it comes to cleaning – as long as we’re working on different things in a different room. We’re both process-oriented people, but we happen to go about things very differently. We have different ideas about things. The best way for us to clean is for each of us to do it outside of the view of the other. Then when we finally come together, we only see that things are clean, not how they got that way.

When I finally emerged from our bedroom after vacuuming the dust I had shifted around, I took a shower and rounded up the girls for a quick trip to Waikele. I had something to return. I couldn’t find anything, so we ended up getting a jacket/vest and a chew toy for Abby. I’ll have pictures of both for you guys tomorrow. My reward for such hard work (while Netflixing nWo: The Revolution and Batman: Year One) was lunch at Taco Bell. That’ll do.

The computer room is still in shambles, as it was the Christmas storage area, but that’ll change once we put the tree away. Madison’s room, of course, is in a constant state of flux. There’s no use in cleaning that one.

I’m actually pretty proud of how tidy our house is. I guess we’re ready to have 2013 over. Happy New Year, everyone!



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