Daddy’s Christmas List

Somehow, it’s already November and aside from three and four-day weekends, I’ve got Black Friday on the brain. While it is never too early to think about Black Friday, pre-November consideration is more or less hypothetical; the ads haven’t been leaked onto the internet yet. In my random searching this morning, however, I have discovered that the Toys R Us Black Friday ad has made its way into the open. Soon – likely over this weekend – we will give Madison a Sharpie and the Toys R Us Big Toy Book and let her circle to her heart’s content. Today though? I’m doing it for me.

1First of all, it’s an unequivocal “YES!” to every item in this picture. While the ad for the Mega Wheel Quad conspicuously lists the minimum age for use, it does not provide maximum weight information. I’m going to go out on a limb and say I’m probably a pound or two too heavy for it. Still, the idea of cruising on one of these very bad boys next to Madison on her Minnie Mouse bike might raise the thug profile of our neighborhood a full two points to a solid -13.

How very smart of Toys R Us to pair the mini-trampoline and basketball hoop together. Anyone over the age of 5 immediately looks at the ad and thinks the same thing: Dunk. Contest. I might have felt this way, too, had I not recently experienced iTrampoline and its humbling basketball/trampoline combination. I feel like there’s some kind of correlation between my increase in weight and decrease in athleticism, but I can’t be certain. In any event, I am sure that I would absolutely destroy both the tramp and the backboard in a single attempt, but not in the way cool people use the word “destroy.”

Aside: While the Razor Crazy Cart looks like a whole lot of fun, I can’t get over that price tag. Also, it’s a ding in the side of the Highlander waiting to happen.

2There is perhaps no better toy metaphor for the Christmas season than large form Lego products. Bear with. The literal and figurative build-up is the best part of both experiences. Both the Legoing and the Christmas season pass so quickly and once the final moment arrives? Well, there’s a lot of stuff to throw out and a bunch of things you don’t quite know what to do with. Look, had I a stately manor featuring a room built exclusively for my Star Wars Lego, I’d be buying, building, and displaying these things like crazy. I’d have the time since I’d be divorced.

3First of all, one of the few downsides of being the only male in my home is an utter lack of people with which to play Nerf Guns with. When Madison opted for a similar Buzz Lightyear-themed foam dart gun this summer at Disney Land, I was delighted… right up until we got back to the hotel and discovered that Madison didn’t have the strength to cock the gun. Forget about Lynnette joining in on the fun. She had only a single sister growing up and instead of playing outside, they did things like film provocative faux-commercials for Pepsi. It’s true. I’ve seen them. I haven’t had a Nerf gun in so long, I’m completely behind on Nerf technology. So many years removed from my childhood, I hope that Nerf has somehow discovered how to make gathering all the spent projectiles less tedious. Every time I shot a foam dart, watched it adhere to the wall, then fall behind the couch I would get so depressed that I didn’t even want to play anymore.

Aside: The Little Tikes Cozy Coupe is a basic childhood necessity. When Matty and I got too old to ride in it, we would get a running start, then jump on the roof, arms and legs spread, Superman-like. Rocks embedded in your palms is a small price to pay for flying, baby.

4A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, Costco carried the Star Wars light sabers – the good ones – and sold them for $70. This was an obvious discount from the common $100 retail price. While only the Darth Vader, Obi Wan, and Luke versions were available, that wasn’t a turn off at all. I desperately wanted to place one into my cart next to the HE laundry detergent  and toilet paper, but no.

Lynnette vetoed my Jedi knighthood and I have never forgiven her for it. Sadly, I’ve somehow aged out of my intense desire to purchase at least two light sabers and place them in an X-formation on my living room wall. The Empire won.

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