Abby was the first creature stirring in our home this morning. She decided to dole out good morning kisses way before any of us were ready to deal with them; she was met with a chorus of pfffft sounds and “No, Abby!” and “Bad Abby!” I found her Christmas morning excitement somewhat ironic. Ostensibly, she had the least to be excited about in the way of presents, but I suppose if you are a dog and your family stays at home and in bed past sunrise, that’s a huge win.
I was the first human to leave the comfort and warmth of the bed for the kitchen. Once there, I took bacon and a few eggs out of the fridge to defrost. I floated around the internet for a while after that, looking for news on Tony Romo’s back that wouldn’t ruin Christmas for me. Mission: Not Accomplished.
When I finally heard female voices coming from the bedroom I wandered back there only to find that Lynnette had moved from the bed to the futon with Madison. “Should I cook breakfast first?” I asked. “I’m still tired,” Madison said. “Should we not open presents this morning?” I asked. “No, no, we should,” she said, showing more life in those two seconds than the previous two hours. “You know what? I’ll start cooking after we open gifts – I don’t want to have to stop cooking because Mad miraculously wakes up and wants to open gifts in the next 15 minutes,” I said. “Yeah, dad, good idea,” Madison said. Lynnette nodded – with her eyes closed.
Since Lynnette had not put her makeup at gift-opening time, she requested not to have her pictures taken. I told her that such a request opposed the spirit of Christmas. Since Lynnette is a well-known Holiday Nazi, she couldn’t decline pictures with a clear conscience. We reached a compromise: I could take pictures of her as long as her face was obscured by props or bad lighting. I would dare say Lynnette’s morning face is a thing of beauty and surely nothing to be ashamed of, but as you may be aware of, mom is the boss of the house.
Madison and I got Lynnette this long skirt with a matching blue clutch and earrings. She can wear it to our family’s Super Bowl party when the Cowboys are playing in it… in 2021.
Lynnette and Mad got me this awesome t-shirt featuring a whole bunch of references to the accounts Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce worked on in Mad Men. I was confused at first (I only watched the first episode of season 6, and it was so long ago I don’t remember it), but it finally hit me. I love t-shirts and I love Don Draper. The only way this shirt could have been better was if it featured a literal headshot of Don Draper with a cigarette hanging from his lips with a speech bubble featuring the words “Calm down.”
After the gift opening festivities, I returned to the kitchen to make breakfast. It was a simple meal of bacon and eggs. Bacon is so unhealthy that Christmas morning is the only day of the year when we eat bacon while opening gifts. Other mornings, we just eat bacon.
Although Abby loved her gift of gourmet mint bone treats, I’m going to say that she enjoyed her breakfast even more. I wish there was a way I could get her to slow her eating down so that she’d be able to enjoy her bacon a while longer, but considering the way I eat, I guess I wouldn’t have much to teach and I’d be a hypocrite. Some day, I hope to be able to create a passable approximation of Mitsu-Ken garlic chicken to make the Christmas Breakfeast Combo complete.
Madison got a lot of gifts from family and friends and I would like to take this time to thank you all. She got a great variety of things – clothes, toys, games, money, gift cards, and electronics. I don’t think there were any misses this year. Also, thank you all for not being that person who sneaked a tiny pink kendama into one of Madison’s gifts. I just don’t think I would have been able to handle it.