The Last Time Madison Sleeps in Our Bed Ever

I let the sentiment of New Year’s get to met last night and I paid for it dearly today.

Never again!

Never again!

I told Madison she could sleep in bed with us because I felt like we should start off the new year as a family or something silly like that. I snuggled with Mad for a few minutes before rolling over to face the window in hopes of falling asleep.

I don’t know how long I had been sleeping, but I was roused from my sleep by a karate chop to the top of my head. I blindly reached out for Madison’s arm and lowered it to her side. This happened three more times, the final blow caught me on the bridge of my nose, evoking a “C’mon, Mad!”

Madison squirms so much, she can’t be more than a couple steps away from being a full-blown somnambulist. At one point last night, she managed to drop her heel onto my crotchal region. As any guy knows, if anything comes even close to threatening this zone, the body caves in on itself as a survivalist instinct. By this point, I was so angry, I grabbed Madison’s leg by the ankle and flung it back in the other direction. I’m not sorry.



No, that's not a bruise from being thrown across the bed.

No, that’s not a bruise from being thrown across the bed.

I was groggy as Lynnette left for work. I believe I mumbled something about letting Madison sleep in the bed being an “unmitigated disaster.” Lynnette doesn’t recall me saying that at all, though. Maybe I just dreamed it, but I doubt it because I don’t think I slept deeply enough to have dreams. I returned with Madison to 808 Bounce because I had (and still have) grading to finish.

When we got to Pearlridge, I unbuckled Madison and she looked down at the floor of the car. “Where are they?” she said. I looked on the floor, too. She had forgotten her ******* slippers! Who does that? “I know I brought them!” she said. “Did you really?” I asked. “I don’t know!” she said. Out of desperation, I opened the trunk. Lynnette’s and Madison’s shoes from the Color Run were still there. “But I don’t have socks!” she said when I tossed them into the car. “Do you want to go home?” I asked. She put them on quickly.

The Process:  1) Dip crust in "egg sauce." 2) Cover crust in "egg sauce." 3) Eat. 4) Lament the eaten crust.

The Process: 1) Dip crust in “egg sauce.” 2) Cover crust in “egg sauce.” 3) Eat. 4) Lament the eaten crust.

I fell asleep during the Sugar Bowl and didn’t wake until Lynnette got home. We had a late dinner at Anna Miller’s because we visited my Aunt Tracey in the hospital. She experienced a sudden and serious medical emergency on New Year’s Eve. No one ever wants something like this to happy to anyone, but I am particularly frustrated because Tracey is one of the most positive and supportive people that I have ever met. She has a kind of spirit and energy that the lazy cynic in me admires and envies. I don’t normally do this, but I feel compelled to ask for your prayers for her. My family and I appreciate them.

Get well soon, Aunty Tracey.


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