2014 Dallas Cowboys: Wildcard Weekend Winners!

A day later and it still seems surreal:

But they were turf-slams of joy!

But they were turf-slams of joy!

It had been so long since either of my two beloved sports teams had made the playoffs that I had forgotten what it felt like. There’s that old sports cliche that goes act like you’ve been there before, but it’s super-difficult to do that when you’ve been mired in mediocrity (or worse) for the better part of a decade. When Tony Romo found Terrance Williams in the back of the end zone yesterday, I growl/screamed a noise that could best be described as a hybrid of the word “yes” and a predatory cat’s roar.  Cowboys 24, Lions 20.

That's sports, man.

That’s sports, man.

But Phil, what about that curious (at best) and egregious pass interference flag that was picked up at a crucial point in the game? Well, I don’t care. I get it, it was a blown call that most certainly helped my team win, but if you follow sports then you know that kind of stuff happens all the time. The call came with over eight minutes left in the game and:

1. Left Detroit with a 4th and 1 and the lead. Blame Caldwell for not going for it there.

2. Had no impact on one of the worst (greatest) punts in the storied history of punting.

3. Had no impact on the Lions ability to stop a Dallas conversion on 4th and 6 with a little over six minutes remaining in the game.


That's about a straight as my leg gets, too.

That’s about a straight as my leg gets, too.

She hates when anyone touches her paws.

She hates when anyone touches her paws.

The pre-game stretching started at 11:05 as promised. Madison and Abby showed up to the living room for the session, and Lynnette was excused because she was feeling ill. We always knew it would be a game-time decision. My dear wife was probable on Saturday night, got downgraded to questionable by Sunday morning, and was ruled out by the middle of the Bengals/Colts game. She did suit up for the game, but stayed in bed napping and later watching Worst Cooks in America.

Incidentally, I watched most of the game alone. Madison occasionally wandered into the living room whenever I emoted or by random chance. I often coaxed my little rally-starter to sit with me during Cowboys drives at which point she would say things like “I wish the Cowboys had 14 and the Lions had 0,” and later “I wish the Cowboys had 20 and the Lions had 7.” In fact, things got so grim for my fair-weather daughter that she actually asked (in the 3rd quarter) if we could change the channel to Worst Cooks in America because “the Cowboys are going to lose.” I’m going to have to talk to her about that. That doesn’t fly around here, lawdog.

This could also double as the trajectory of Lynnette's illness this past week.

This could also double as the trajectory of Lynnette’s illness this past week.

For your entertainment, I’ve taken to MS Paint to chart out my emotional levels during the game. Obviously, these are mostly rough estimates as I am unskilled with such an advanced program. I would like to point out the final valley very late in the 4th quarter. That was DeMarcus Lawrence’s fumble recovery and subsequent fumble back to the Lions. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? JUST GET DOWN! WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? Are all things I shouted in the aftermath of that stunning turn of events. It was so Cowboys. And then Fox decides to show Leon Lett – the Cowboys’ undisputed master of the on-field boner – on screen! It was too much. You know at the end of Terminator 2, when Arnold tells John Connor “I know now why you cry”? Well, I had one of those moments. I wanted to find a teenage girl and look her dead in the eye and say “I know now why you can’t even.” SCREW YOU, FOX! Troy Aikman, you cool. Nevertheless:




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