Q: What Does Abby Do All Day?

Lynnette’s been at home sick and her favorite way to pass the time is sending me random text messages. She decided to get our Netflix money’s worth by rededicating herself to Scandal. Among the many messages sent my way were “And…Scandal has sucked me back in,” and “There’s a mole in the CIA and Scott Foley is dating Olivia and he’s been assigned by POTUS to watch her via video surveillance (there are cameras all over her house) and the POTUS just asked him who Olivia was dating!!! And he lied to him!” Shockingly, Scandal has not sucked me back in.

Her second favorite topic of note is Abby. Lynnette and I have long suspected that Abby simply sleeps all day while waiting for signs of intelligent life to return home. Lynnette has been able to confirm our theory and spent all day sending me pictures of Abby’s sedentary exploits.

This isn't what I intended at all.

This isn’t what I intended at all.

Since I leave home shrouded in the darkness of early morning, I never see what unfolds when the rest of my family wakes up. According to Lynnette, once she and Madison get up and start getting ready, Abby leaves the bed and heads out to the beanbag in the living room. She curls herself into a ball – and whatever happens to be thrown onto the beanbag – in order to prolong her sleep. The lights and noise of the bedroom and bathroom are simply too much for her. And, since she can’t whine like our other little girl, she has no recourse but to leave and find a darker, quieter place. We bought this beanbag from Target for a sum of money that is too embarrassing for me to see in print. Just know that girl who is very special to me promised she would make extended use of it. Also know that once the beanbag started to lose its fluff, that very special girl stopped using it. So, silver lining, at least one member of our family is using it. But the pragmatist in me can’t get over the fact that I paid $XX.XX for a f*cking dog bed!

Homeless Abby.

Homeless Abby.

Once Lynnette begins her Netflix binge, Abby faithfully joins her on the couch. I mean, Abby was going to do that anyway, but at least now she has company. Some background: I don’t like when Abby’s hair gets long and scruffy. It is the canine equivalent of the “ugly stage” of human hair, when the hair is too long to be considered short, but too short to do anything with so it just sits there in a hideous limbo. Whenever Abby’s hair gets to this point, I call her “homeless dog.” But, since Lynnette and I agree on almost nothing, she loves Abby’s long-ish hair. It reminds her of the puppy she once saw in the Mililani Mauka Pet Store window. Anyway, it appears that even Abby’s scruffy locks aren’t enough to keep her warm from this glorious cold weather we’ve been having. Abby dons blankets, people’s clothing, and whatever is available in the living room. Can’t you see how excited Abby is for Scandal?

I have to admit it, this kind of makes me feel nice.

I have to admit it, this kind of makes me feel nice.

At some point when Abby is tired of watching Scandal and Kerry Washington’s incredible facial expressions (probably about 5-6 minutes in), she hops off the couch and makes her rounds. Sometimes she’ll find a sliver of sunlight coming through a window and sunbathe. Sometimes she’ll stalk into one of the bedrooms so she can take a dump on a pair of my socks. Note: This actually happened. Yesterday, though, she posted herself at the top of the stairs, and in Lynnette’s estimation, she was waiting for me to come home. Maybe she thought that since Lynnette was home, I wasn’t at work, but off on some short-lived diplomatic or fact-finding mission. No such luck, Abby. Sorry.

 

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