Spring Break 2015: Slip-N-Slide Saturday

The mistake, as always, is thinking I’ve got all the time in the world. Today was a great day despite the cloud of procrastination hanging over my head. I guess I felt guilty that Abby hadn’t been on a single adventure this week so I suggested we bring her along for today’s excursion. She had a pretty solid time, I think.

Her ears perk up at the mention of "outside".

Her ears perk up at the mention of “outside”.

Lynnette and I were craving gyros so we decided on Miami Grill for lunch after laundry and some housekeeping. I have no complaints, and Abby sure didn’t. The gyros were packed with so much thinly sliced beef that pieces fell frequently. Lynnette and I treated Abby to a few pieces which she gobbled up quickly. Miami Grill won over my picky daughter. Though Madison said her corndog bites were fine, she was thoroughly impressed with the addition of a fun size pack of M&Ms with her meal. “Look what came with my meal,” she said about three times before she took a bite of her lunch. “Yes, how nice of them,” I said. “But you can’t have any until you eat all of your food.” She grunted and shoved a corndog bite in her mouth.

These two shady mofos...

These two shady mofos…

We drove over to Ewa Beach Community Park because Mad loves the adventure dome playground there. Abby was thrilled to explore the space, for about five minutes. After that, she joined Lynnette in the shade of an umbrella. I tried to coax her out from her shelter, but she wasn’t having it. “Really, Abby?” I said. She turned to face me with her tongue hanging out of her mouth. “You come all this way and you want to sit on a mat in the shade with mom? You could have done this at home!” I said. She squinted at me. My guilt trip did not work. Mad pulled off some impressive  climbing stunts which I did not capture on my phone. Since it is a playground we have visited in the past, it did not qualify #playgroundtour2015.

When I woke up this morning, I didn't think I'd be pushing my daughter and dog around Ross.

When I woke up this morning, I didn’t think I’d be pushing my daughter and dog around Ross.

You know how sometimes you just want to keep the good times going so you throw in a few extra stops that you’d never make under normal circumstances? We did that today on the way out of Ewa Beach. We checked out that huge strip mall with the Petco and Walgreens. Abby loved walking around the pet store. We met a german shepherd/corgi mix that had the coat and head of a german shepherd, but the legs and tail of a corgi. Tough break genetically, man. We kept walking and happened across Ross. The asset protection guy told me Abby was allowed in the store as long as she was carried or in a cart. Well, then.


Abby frickin’ loved riding the cart. She just sat there swallowing the air conditioning and marveling at movement without moving. Every once in a while, she’d get up on her back legs and pop her front legs on the edge of the cart to check out what was happening. Throw in a pillow and a couple of snacks and she would have had a mobile home; she wouldn’t have minded.



As Madison and I looked for shoes at Ross, Lynnette found a Slip-N-Slide in the clearance section for $5. “We have to get this,” Madison said when she saw it. “Mm-hm,” Lynnette answered. “So we’re going to get it?” Madison asked, possibly shocked. “Yeah, it’s only $5,” Lynnette said. Madison’s response was a version of the word “yes” which to me seemed a blend of “YAAAAAAASSS” and “YAY!” I don’t know exactly how to type that out, just use your imagination, I guess. I told Lynnette that the Slip-N-Slide find was likely the best non-food $5 we could have ever spent (because sushi, Coke, and Jack’s tacos are all less than $5 and infinitely more enjoyable than a Slip-N-Slide). Madison certainly agrees.

Why am I so white?

Why am I so white?

Madison was initially hesitant to run and dive, then slip and slide in an aggressive manner. Coach Phil seeped out. “Run hard.” “Get your hands down first.” “Cannot be sked.” Incidentally, I hate myself.

“Just show her how,” Lynnette said. Her words oozed snark. For those of you unfamiliar with my marital relationship, Lynnette was not just telling me to show Madison how to slip and slide. Rather, she was really saying If it’s so easy, put the camera down, get off your fat ass, and show her how to do it yourself – if you can, you fat ass – oh my God, like for real.

And did I fall for this Lady Macbethian move? Of course I did. My only regret is that we did not purchase two Slip-N-Slides and put them together to make an ultimate Voltron Slip-N-Slide. But it’s OK. It’s almost summer, baby.


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