Solo Twin Adventure

In an ideal world, Lynnette would make much more than enough money to support our family. This would let me slide into my desired role of Mr, Mom and allow me to go on adventures like the one I went on last night.

Someday Lynnette will tell me what's so special about it.

Someday Lynnette will tell me what’s so special about it.

This is the Chicco Keyfit 30 car seat in the “Lilla” colorway. This is the car seat that Lynnette had her heart set on. We didn’t get it. It was already sold out on Target.com when we tried to buy it last night. This discovery elicited from Lynnette a multitude of inarticulate sounds including grunts, sighs, and growls. She settled for the same carseat in her second choice, the “Legend” colorway. We then discovered that every colorway of the car seat is on a list of restricted items that Target will not ship to Hawaii. This brought about a second wave of noise from Lynnette. She went to take a shower and I went to work.

I called the Kapolei store to confirm what I already knew: they had the seat, but in a colorway that was intially met with the gagging sound – the universal noise of disapproval in my family. If you’re curious as to what this sound is, ask me if I want a Pepsi the next time you see me. Anyway, I called the Salt Lake store – they didn’t even have it on display when we visited this past Sunday – assuming they’d have nothing or the same model carried by the Kapolei store. They had two “Legends” left. I put them on hold and immediately left my house. It was 9:00 at night and way past the time when I should be allowed to leave my house. Lynnette had to sleep and Madison would have complicated the trip so I left the house alone.

Someday the twins will know how much I love them, how much I love their mother, and also how insane their mother is.

Someday the twins will know how much I love them, how much I love their mother, and also how insane their mother is.

Nicole was the name of the woman who helped me on the phone and I found her in the store to thank her personally. The guest services phone operator answered my questions with statements that sounded like questions. I was not confident she knew what she was talking about. “How can I get these car seats shipped to Hawaii?” I asked. “I don’t think…you can?” she said. It went on this way for a while before I quit. The associate at the Kapolei store put me on hold and no one ever picked back up, so I had to call again. Nicole walked me through the item check, gave me item numbers, called up the stockroom, then had the seats waiting for me at Guest Services. Look, I know how stupid and desperate an adventure like this is, even as I’m on the quest itself. Make no mistake, Lynnette and I are those people. Still, it’s always awesome when people like Nicole make our crazy treasure hunts easier. My favorite part of this adventure was walking out of the store in a drizzle with both boxes in the cart. “Whoa!” a guy about my age said as he approached me. “Yep!” I said as we passed each other. We both had a good laugh.

I want to say  that  someday the traffic will lessen, but not even I'm that optimistic.

I want to say that someday the traffic will lessen, but not even I’m that optimistic.

I saw the lane closures and consequential back-up on the way out to Salt Lake. I knew I’d have to drive back through it and could only hope it wouldn’t be as bad when I made my way back to Mililani. It was still pretty bad. It’s a good thing I had a 20-ounce bottle of Coke with my name literally on it to keep me company and awake.

I want to try to explain why I do things like this so often. I think it’s because I view pursuits like this and of course, Black Friday, as challenges of high (but actually pretty super-low) stakes. I just want to win. It’s part luck, mostly timing, very little skill, and a lot of patience and diligence. If this sounds silly, I’d like to remind you that I am the guy that tweaked his hamstring running to first base on Monday night. I’m also the same guy that tried to catch a routine pop-up with his bare hand because he got caught on the wrong foot and is no longer coordinated enough to get his glove hand up out of stride. It was pathetic and humbling. I might not be long for the softball field. But I got the last two “Legend” Chicco Key Fit 30s on the island (OK, outside of Target Kailua). I win.

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