New School Year Adjustments

I’ve made it to Friday morning of the first week of the school year. The first two days were an odyssey of wading through waist-deep sludge. My throat hurt. My knees ached. I was in bed by 8:30 and found it extremely difficult to wake up. But I made it.

Don't pity this clown.

Don’t pity this clown.

Also not adjusting well to the new schedule is Abby. She had grown used to Madison and I being home with her in the morning and home by the early afternoon. Lynnette says that Abby’s behavior in the morning reflects the mood of a being who has come to the realization that summer is over, even if said being does not know what summer is. Her sadness manifests itself in prolong naps on the many soft surfaces in our living room. She snoozes atop her perch at the back of the couch. She nestles herself in the overpriced comfort of the pink $60 bean bag I bought for Madison that Mad doesn’t even use even though Mad swore she’d use it forever. And then, whenever it literally and figuratively strikes her fancy, Abby drops a turd a mere inches from the pee pad. Her disdain is clear. It could only be made more clear if she somehow arranged her feces in the shape of a clenched fist with middle finger raised.

I'll hold off on explaining this.

I’ll hold off on explaining this.

Madison seems to have acclimated to second grade well. She seems to have far less homework than she did last year. She loves that. Well, during the summer she began making overtures about pushing back her 8:00 bedtime. Common statements included “We should move my bedtime back to 8:45,” and “I’m going to be in second grade, 8:00 is too early.” Never did any of her statements include sound logic, but she was consistent. Since Lynnette is the one who has to deal with Mad in the morning, I left it up to her. They have come up with the following agreement:

IF Madison can make it through a week of waking up with no problems*, Madison’s bedtime will be pushed back to 8:15. If, however, Madison attains this goal, then presents problems in the morning, the new 8:15 bedtime shall be abolished and returned to its original 8:00 standard.

*problems include, but are not limited to: failure to get up when asked, sarcastic or overly critical comments made when asked to get up, failure to sheesh and teeth (urinate and brush one’s teeth) when asked, whining of any kind, screaming when one’s hair is being braided, and watching too much KHON2 News while eating breakfast.

Madison has apparently made it, too. I can’t wait for Lynnette to shoot me the picture of Madison’s first failure. It’s going to happen and it’s going to be apocalyptic and it’s going to be great. Happy Friday!


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