We put up the Christmas tree this afternoon and it was – by far – the most productive thing our family did all weekend.
Cole and Avery were displaying shameful attention-seeking behavior so we left the initial decoration of the tree to Madison. We gave her the following instructions:
- Do one color at a time.
- Spread the ornaments out over the entire tree.
- Space out all of the ornaments.
She did one color at a time. The rest of it? Maybe next year. I offered intermittent help by pointing out bare spots on the tree, but I got the feeling that Madison doesn’t like the idea of spreading the ornaments out. Like she wants all of the ornament friends to be together or something. When I asked her about this specific possibility she answered with a quick and sassy “NO.” Which – like any other conspiracy – only makes me believe in the conspiracy even more.
One of our family traditions is the annual selection of ornaments for the Christmas tree. This year, the entire tradition came with a twist: we had to buy an all-new tree! Earlier this year Lynnette accidentally left a pack of frozen chicken out in the garage. We couldn’t smell it for the two days it took to defrost, or the one more it took for the chicken to spoil, but after that? It was like anti-Christmas every single time we walked into the garage! We threw a bunch of chicken juice-infected items out, including our old tree. But, I picked up a new on at Lowe’s for $60, a whopping $100 off an insanely inflated original price! I chose wisely, as Lynnette said and you will see.
After much deliberation in the form of waffling, Madison chose this Pascal in Rapunzel’s dress as her ornament. We had seen a Peas-in-a-Pod ornament at the Disney Store earlier this fall and I was sure she was going that route, but no. She picked Pascal because “the face makes it look hilarious.” When I asked her if there was anything else she had to say about it, she looked at this picture and said, “Umm… nope.” and ran off.
Lynnette knew this ornament was the one the second she laid eyes on it. She told me it reminded her of Madison reading to Cole (who incidentally has earned the moniker Fat King Cole this weekend) and Avery. “Oh, yeah, I’m going to teach them to read!” Madison said. “Oh, are you also going to teach them about what they’re lying in?” I asked. “What?” Madison said. She looked again at the ornament. “IT’S NOT A YURT, DAD!” Anyway, this ornament is a winner because it includes the twins in the tradition without us having to pretend they selected something this year when they can’t even get their thumbs in their mouths without poking themselves in they eyes.
Hallmark did not make any Mets or Cowboys ornaments this year (again), so I was instead left to choose the best of the pop culture lot. Honestly, slim pickings this year. It came down to Megatron and Predator, which in the end wasn’t much of a choice since I picked Optimus Prime up last year. Next year I’m hoping for one of the Mets pitchers or Tony Romo in an arm sling.
Of course with all the baby stuff and the babies themselves lying around the house, we’ve had to think about the placement of every single piece of furniture. So it happens that Abby’s pee pads got evicted from their rightful place in the kitchen. She shot me a look just now that seems to say: First you bring home these animals and now you strip me of the dignity of my place of business? Granted I never actually used them, but it would have been nice to have the option, then not choose it and go on the carpet instead, human!
Now, I know what you’re thinking and you’re right. There’s no flippin’ way Lynnette let Madison and me decorate the tree without her supervision/approval. She’s the Holiday Monger, after all! Well, fear not. Your instincts were correct and Lynnette couldn’t deny her own as she made adjustments to the tree but upped the degree of difficulty this year! Enjoy: