So Whaddaya Think?


Avery’s always looking for the camera; Cole’s always looking for lunch.

When Avery and Cole sit in my lap and look up at me I wonder if they can see me clearly, or if my face appears to them as a roundish blob with hazy edges. When I look down on them, I look into their round eyes and try to see through them. I don’t know what I am looking for. I suppose I want to know what they’re thinking, how they feel about me. I know they’re too young to think anything other than cry-bottle-boob-sleep-cry, but still…

When I hold Avery in my arms I focus on her eyebrows which are almost invisible in certain light. The hair there is faint in color. They are my second favorite feature of her face. The first is her eyes which are clear and round like marbles. If she is wide awake, her brow, eyelids, and cheeks often converge near the bridge of her nose and it is the most judgmental face a not-quite-three-week-old can possibly make. I hope I draw my looks from the lady without a bra, loud man. And – no joke – there are times when I tilt her back, one hand behind her head, and instead of close her eyes, the lids stay open and she rolls them upward and to her left instead. It’s unreal. This contempt is my genetic birthright, loud man. Avery rarely smiles, but when she does, 90% of the time it’s in her sleep. The insides of my eyelids are preferable to you, loud man. 

When I hold Cole in my arms sometimes he looks up at me and makes a face that is Blue Steel-adjace; it looks like he’s trying to blow smoke rings. But his eyes absolutely light up while he does this. Hello again, sidecombed-hair man. I am delighted to see you! When I prop him up on his butt and hold him under the arms he tilts his head back to look at me. At first I thought he was dive-bombing out my grasp, but now I believe otherwise. I am not throwing my head back, sidecombed-hair man. I am simply trying to expand my field of vision so as to get all of you in sight! Cole smiles a lot. He smiles all the time. Sometimes when he hears Lynnette’s voice, his head turns slightly in her direction and the smile plumps his cheeks. Ah! The woman with the bodacious rack!


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