Since we’ve got to keep the twins out of the sun until 6 months at the earliest, we’ve been making stops at all of the malls on the island. We hit Windward Mall this weekend and we are to report that the play area is under construction. “They took out all the seats and the mountain is covered up!” Madison said. When I asked her if she was sad, she replied hastily, something about her being “too big” for the playground anyway.
Which is not to say that our trip to Kaneohe wasn’t worthwhile. In fact, Lynnette would probably argue that her lone non-food purchase made the trip a success. Lynnette’s acquisition of the Mr. Winkle calendar is a yearly tradition. She always waits until after the new year so that the prices of the calendars drop dramatically. At that point, it’s hit or miss – hopefully her beloved Mr. Winkle calendar is still in stock. She was in luck. Mr. Winkle is a tiny dog, and to this day I have no idea about his genetic makeup. All I know is that Mr. Winkle never seems to age, never seems to gain wait, so screw you, Mr. Winkle. But, for reasons that all feature the word “cute”, the calendar seems to bring Lynnette a kind of inscrutable joy that I have come not to question. Madison is always quick to point out the Dallas Cowboys calendar, but I know that it will not make my life better because A) I am too disorganized to appreciate a calendar, and B) I would put it up in my classroom, then never change the months. And we thought this might be the find of the day. How wrong we were!
BECAUSE WE ALSO FOUND LYNNETTE’S EYEBROWS!
A few days ago the twins were unruly in the middle of the afternoon. Lynnette was busy in the kitchen and so Mad and I were left to settle the twins down. I looked up at Lynnette, a virtual recluse during the week. The sun shot through the kitchen window and hit her makeup-less face just so. What you might not know about Lynnette is that she is a talented artist with an uncommonly steady hand. You see, she is able – every day – to draw nearly symmetrical lines for eyebrows. If it were me? One of my brows would be the People’s Eyebrow, and it would switch sides every single day.
So, on that afternoon when the twin were screaming I turned to Madison and said, “Where are mom’s eyebrows?” Madison looked up at Lynnette, and since she’s still 88% incapable of catching subtext, Madison said, “She washed them off with water.” “Let’s go look for them!” I shouted. “You guys are mean,” Lynnette said. She kept busy in the kitchen. “We’re going to make two two-man teams!” I said. Madison shot up. “You and Avery will search low, Cole and I will search high!” Madison cackled. She loves games. “Let’s find mom’s eyebrows!” Lynnette muttered a few things that I couldn’t hear, and they probably weren’t fit to print, anyway, so we were off.
“Is this it?” Madison said, lifting a loose thread from the carpet. “No! They look like cooked shiitake mushrooms!” I said. Lynnette scoff/laughed. “Okay!” Mad shouted back. I am positive that Mad has no idea what shiitake mushrooms look like. Cole and Avery stopped crying as we whisked them around the house, but we failed to locate the missing eyebrows. Still, mission accomplished.
We had given up hope of ever finding Lynnette’s rogue eyebrows until we found them in a novelty store in Windward Mall. For reasons that are unclear to Madison and me, Lynnette didn’t seem super-thrilled to find them. What an ingrate.