Facebook’s throwback machine reminded Lynnette of one of the greatest events in the history of our family.
In early 2011 Matty and Paul came over for lunch, video games, and companionship. The picture above was taken then, at the outset of the most hilarious walk around the block ever. I wrote about this ill-fated walk when it happened and the description below is an edited version of the oringinal entry from January 2011:
Well, the clouds parted, the stars aligned, and we went out for a walk. I’m actually surprised Matty and Paul decided to come along so easily. I can never tell when the legendary Higa laziness will manifest, but it didn’t today. I bet they’re glad they came along on the short walk around the block.
Before we left the house, Paul asked Lynnette if she wanted to leash Abby. “No need,” Lynnette said. “She won’t jump out of the wagon?” Paul asked. “Well, she tries, but you just got to watch her.” Lynnette said. I will forever hate myself a little for not being able to capture what happened next on video.
We got about halfway through our journey around the block and Abby hopped onto the top tier of the wagon’s seats. I placed her back down in the lowest section. She got up there again and hopped out of the wagon before any of us could stop her. She just took off. Lynnette tried to chase her, but I knew Abby only thinks of that as playing, so she ran away. I told Lynnette to kneel down and call to Abby. It would have worked, too, except an x-factor complicated the situation.
Lynnette was about 10 yards in front of me – in the middle of the road – facing my direction when a car came around the corner behind her. The car was still a ways off. Lynnette still hadn’t grabbed Abby yet, and I said “Car.” Lynnette panicked. She made a lunge for Abby and whiffed. She ended up on her hands and knees on the street. It looked like she tried to get up, but I guess her feet didn’t move or something, because when she tried to get up, she just chest-planted on the street. As if all of that wasn’t embarrassing enough, Lynnette rolled over onto her back-while one of her arms was still under her body – and off the road so as to get out of the way of the oncoming car. It was the least athletic thing I’d ever seen. Then the kicker: the car moved a few more feet forward, then turned into a driveway! He didn’t even need to pass through! He saw the whole thing. What was he thinking?
We finally got Abby under control and Lynnette carried her back home.
Five years later, I asked Matty, Paul, and Lynnette to recount their memories of this fateful day.
“I’m pretty sure I asked about the leash.” -Paul
“I just figured she wasn’t going to jump out. I didn’t think she was going to jump out.” -Lynnette
“I’m sure being the pragmatic worrier I am, I probably said ‘Okay’ in a if-you-say-so kind of tone.” -Paul
“I thought it would be safer to put Abby on the leash, but Lynnette’s decision not to seemed like something I would do. I don’t know, maybe that’s why I didn’t say anything even though I did think the leash was the safer play.” -Phil
Abby Ditches the Wagon
“I watched Abby the whole way. When she popped up to the seat and rested her paws on the edge of wagon, I dropped her back down to the lowest part of the wagon.” -Phil
“I was shocked that she took off right after being told ‘no need leash’.” -Matty
“I don’t think Abby took off until a little later; it was when we had turned the corner and we were on the street behind your place, parallel to yours.” -Paul
“She just f*cking took off, man.” -Phil
“I was pulling the wagon so I didn’t see it [Abby jump out of the wagon], but I heard her paws on the plastic, then I heard the chit-chit-chit-chit of her nails on the street. Then she ran right by me.” -Lynnette
Attempts at Recapture
“I don’t remember why I didn’t help, I think I may have initially, but she had gotten so far away that I didn’t feel like running.” -Paul
“I didn’t bother chasing Abby because I knew she would think of the whole thing as a game, like we were playing with her. She was too fast, anyway.” -Phil
“I remember thinking ‘Dear God, I don’t want her to get run over by a car’.” -Lynnette
“It was one of those ‘I can’t believe this is happening’ things that you know is incredible even as it’s happening in real time.” -Phil
“It [the dive] was my one chance to get her. I thought I had it.” -Lynnette
“I thought she had it. I thought she was alright.” -Matty
“She wasn’t even close. Then she ate sh*t.” -Phil
“I think I thought I had her so I didn’t adjust for the possibility that I wouldn’t catch her. I was on the ground and I just needed a moment to get up, but somebody yelled ‘there’s a car coming’ so I didn’t have the extra two seconds it would have required to tuck my knees under myself to get into a standing position.” -Lynnette
“I do remember the car coming up the street towards us. Lynnette saw it too and panicked, which is why she tripped and fell. But to get out of the way, instead of getting up, she awkwardly rolled over her arm…” -Paul
“It was so awkward. Why would you choose to do that to get out of the way?” -Phil
“I just rolled over to get off the road to prevent sudden death. But now looking back, I think there was room for him to drive around me.” -Lynnette
“The best part is that the car didn’t even need to pass by her. It turned into a driveway well before where she was laying. It had only stopped because Abby was running that way.” -Paul
“When I saw that car turn into the driveway, my Irony Meter went off. My brain, heart, and lungs all wanted to explode simultaneously. I don’t know how I didn’t laugh at all. Maybe it was the sight of my wife laid out on the side of the road.” -Phil
“Once we got Abby and headed back it was silent for a while. I think Matty broke the ice with ‘So…are you alright or what?'” -Phil
“I was embarrassed so I told him the truth. I said ‘I’m okay, but it’s my ego that’s just…’.” -Lynnette
“I vaguely recall someone saying ‘Lynnette’s body isn’t as sore as her ego’.” -Paul
“Man, I was just glad that’s not me who got snipered.” -Matty
“Coincidentally, I just told the twins this story two days ago. I laugh every single time I think about it.” -Phil
“It’s one of those happy moments where I made an ass of myself. I’ll always remember it. I’m glad I didn’t get run over and I’m glad my dog didn’t get run over.” -Lynnette
“To this day, I consider it one of the greatest Higa hangout days.” -Paul
“Humans are dumb.” -Abby Higa