Cole at 3 Months

Our favorite Chubby Boy is 3 months old today. I’m just going to get the most exciting news out of the way upfront: we can see homeboy’s neck sometimes.

1

Super-mad the Boar’s taking off his jersey.

As amazing as that is, it isn’t the most significant development in Cole’s life. What’s got Lynnette and me really excited is the lengthening of the periods between his overnight feedings. Lynnette’s going back to work next week and it would be nice if at least one of them is sleeping through the night by then. According to Lynnette, he’s averaging 5-6 hours between those feedings; his personal best is an incredible seven hours of continuous sleep. Incredible because THANK GOD, and also at my advanced age I can’t make it seven hours without having to wake up to take a leak.

2

It’s a constant loop of clutching up then choking it away.

Other than that fantastic news, Cole’s got two new hobbies.

He’s been working very hard on getting his hand – not his thumb or a finger – his whole hand into his mouth. He’s gotten to the point where he can just about get half of his fist into his mouth. The problem is once he does, he gets so excited that he swings his arm away in glee, lamentably starting the entire process over again. Sometimes it seems like this goes on forever. Sometimes he inserts his fist into his mouth, then waves it around wildly near his face, covering his entire cheek with a nice sheen of saliva. Sadly, the thing about this nice sheen of saliva is that it’s practically invisible so when I pick the boy up and kiss him on the cheek I get way more than I bargained for.

Cole also loves riding his invisible motorcycle. He sits on my lap and releases these tiny farts in quick succession that sound like the revving of a bike engine. Or some kind of ingenious baby Morse Code. He accompanies these farts with faces conveying a variety of emotions. Perhaps I will see his eyes squinted in intense concentration. At other times I interpret mild irritation in his taut lips. The best, though, is when he looks up at me, tenses up, locks eyes, then pops out a three-peat or a 5-spot. Not awkward at all.

This evening I told Cole about the day I found out I was going to have a son. I remember the ultrasound technician pointing out some kind of abstract penis and telling me one of the twins was a boy:

And do you know what? I couldn’t see it, but I am positive I made a like a smirk that curled into a smile. You know me, I can’t keep a straight face, ever.  Daddy couldn’t contain his happiness, even though he certainly was trying. And now look you, Cole Boy! A three-month old! I didn’t think I would ever have a son. But now here you are, Cole Boy!  What does a three-month old boy like to do on his Month Day?

Well, I knew the answer, but I don’t have functional boobs, so I kissed him on the forehead. Then I whispered into his ear:

One day – when  you’re old enough – I’m going to take you to Arby’s with Uncle Mutts and we’re going to blow up shop.

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