Five Guys Burgers and Fries @ Mililani Town Center

Lynnette wanted Five Guys today so we tried at about 11 in the morning. The line was pretty long so we just went on with our other scheduled activities. It was a little after 1 when we headed back toward Mililani. I waited in line for about 25 minutes before summoning Lynnette, Madison, and the twins from the comfort of the van.


No time for filler.

My affinity for burgers is a lot like my love for baseball. I was a fan of burgers first in the same way I was a fan of baseball first – before I fell in love with one team. In-N-Out is the burger joint equivalent of my beloved New York Mets, only In-N-Out never lets me down.

That said, the burger at Five Guys is delicious. I went with bacon, mushrooms, onions, and of course may0 (and they forgot my bacon). I didn’t have time for filler today.What I got was essentially an Ulitmate Cheeseburger from Jack in the Box, but it was on PEDs and also possibly cocaine and heroin. The fries were good and plentiful. Lynnette, who is making a triumphant return to the world of dairy products, got hers with lettuce, tomato, onions, mushrooms and cheese. “It’s a good burger” she said while chewing. She’s not wrong. But still.


Just load me up with sushi instead.

It’s hard to wrap my mind around paying this kind of money for fast food. I knew going in that it was expensive because people have been throwing up mainland menus (Colorado, Florida, New York, and Pennsylvania) for comparison. I didn’t even really want to go because of this information, but I have done many, many things in my life which I knew where terrible for me even as I was engaged in them (being a Mets and Cowboys fan, smoking, eating right before going to sleep, trying to seduce Lynnette while she’s putting her eyebrows on, etc.). Cognitive dissonance and all that.

I have lived on Oahu for nearly my entire life and I am accept the fact that things here will always be more expensive than on the mainland. If you’re anything like me, then you probably don’t get excited during commercials in which fast food joints advertise their latest money-saving promotion because of those tiny letters – HI and AK – at the bottom of the screen mean we won’t save so much money. I accept that, and I will pay more money for a superior burger, but Five Guys also asked me to pay over $3 for a Coke. I don’t know that Five Guys’ Coke is vastly superior to any other Coke at any other fast food place, and since I didn’t try it, I can’t say for sure. Perhaps someone else can fill me in.

Overall, the food was good, but it hasn’t taken the Burger Joint Championship Belt from In-N-Out, in part because In-N-Out also tastes like college, but also because I never try to figure out how much a single bite of a burger costs me while I eat it. Eating at Five Guys Burgers and Fries will probably be reserved for special occasions such as:

  1. When I’m alone.

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