24 Hours With a LuLaRoe Junkie

Lynnette’s got a running list of LuLaRoe leggings she’s been trying to acquire since she became a full-blown LuLaRoe addict. This list is a more specific, apparel-related version of the list that she has for real life (of which she has checked off “home in Mauka”, “Highlander Sienna”, and “multiple children”). She picked up four new LuLaRoe pieces in the last 24 hours. She just tried on three new pairs of leggings in the kitchen. Were I a lesser man, I would have been distracted by her interminable hotness, I would have failed to complete this entry. But I am not a lesser man.

1

I learned that ninjas are less intimidating when they’re plastered all over the lower half of my wife’s body.

Lynnette’s been on the hunt for this ninja pair for some time. My co-worker shot me a picture of them on Thursday night because I asked her to stay on the lookout for ninjas. “Is this the one?” my co-worker asked. I showed the picture to Lynnette and she erupted in the Daniel Bryan chant. “I’ll have your money tomorrow,” I replied. She LOLed. That made one of us. I had the pair of leggings waiting for Lynnette when she got home Friday afternoon. You know, a few minutes before we drove into Waipahu to check out a LuLaRoe home show.

2

Don’t worry, it made its way home with us.

The coolest thing about LuLaRoe is that there isn’t a limit on the location or the number of times you can come across a vendor or consultant. It’s basically a never-ending network of people who sell similar-but-not-necessarily-identical pieces of clothing, which means that LuLaRoe is a never-ending treasure hunt. There’s never really a promise that Lynnette will find something she likes (unless she’s pre-paid for something), but she likes going anyway. To be clear, I’m not being judgmental. If there were Nike SB consultants stationed all over the island a decade or so ago, I would have dragged Lynnette to random people’s houses too.

 

3

Check ’em out.

Speaking of pre-ordering things, earlier this week Lynnette found another of her desired pairs. They are purple and feature panda bear heads. Some of those heads are wearing sunglasses. I guess. Lynnette just tried them on in the kitchen and said:

“The Vietnam ones run smaller than the ones from Indonesia. The Indonesian ones are super-stretchy. *Tries on purple panda pair* Ooh, I like these Chinese ones.”

This commentary is notable for two reasons. First, it reveals the level of her expertise. It’s more or less how I had memorized most Nike models of shoes and exclusive colorway releases before I had a mortgage and a kid. Second, it is the first time Lynnette has openly admitted to liking anything Chinese since 2003 (when I broke up with my ex-girlfriend).

4

She hasn’t been this happy since like 4 hours ago.

I was alone in the living room watching a movie when my phone chimed. It was Lynnette, texting from the bedroom.

I just got a message from someone who said she got my donuts in. My mission is complete.Β 

I believe one of those statements is true. I suppose only time will tell. But anyway, Lynnette got her doughnut leggings and of the newest three, they look the best on her. Maybe it’s just because I like Lynnette’s legs and I like food. I don’t know. But I know that I love seeing her smile like this, so I don’t mind if she stays addicted to LuLaRoe a little longer. As long as we don’t have to sell our home.

 

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