Measure Twice, Buy Baby Gate Once

The baby gate broke today. Given that it was at least 8 years old, I suppose it lived a long, fruitful life and did its job admirably considering none of my children tumbled down the stairs – unless you count Madison, who has tripped, stumbled, and fallen about a billion times since we took the gate down the first time.

2I accidentally broke the baby gate as I was cleaning the stairs and the landing below it. I tried to close the gate and the plastic piece  which should have caught it snapped off. Yes, you’re right, it’s a minor miracle that the episode had nothing to do with my fat ass.

Anyway, we had to do some adjusting. Lynnette drove down to Babies R’ Us to buy a new gate. I propped the Blue and Orange October up in front of the gate and installed Madison as the gate keeper. She did a fantastic job screening the twins from the gate. “When’s mom coming home?” she asked. “I don’t know. When she gets the gate, I guess. Why?” I said. “Because when you sit down here for too long, your but begins to hurt,” she said. She’s not wrong.

3Lynnette returned home and took a well-deserved nap. She woke up a short time ago to install the gate and discovered that the new gate is not wide enough for the space at the top of our staircase. Welp.

We pivoted again. I changed the formation and alignment of the play area fence and snaked it in front of the twins’ room. Madison is now the guardian of this weak spot in the perimeter. She’s a solider.

I’ve already purchased a new (and wider) gate from Amazon. We’re going to have to return the one Lynnette just bought. But, though certainly intended, the play area in the living room has shrunk. I scuttled the Blue and Orange October. It didn’t react well to box cutters.

Editor’s Note: Phil is secretly thrilled about today’s developments. He HATES the baby gate on account of his aforementioned fat ass. He has already made two trips downstairs without the baby gate and has quoted two different movies while making them: “Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom!” (Braveheart) and “See? See what I have created?” (Castaway). He will be sad when Amazon delivers the gate.

This is quite an impressive list. Today, we’re saying goodbye to the old baby gate, the new baby gate, and the Blue and Orange October. I don’t know how the twins feel about their favorite submarine sailing off forever, but I know how I feel. Ahem.


One comment on “Measure Twice, Buy Baby Gate Once

  1. […] Our old baby gate broke a little over a week ago, and since that time I’ve lived in a bliss of an open stairway completely free of the threat of catching my ass on either side of that harsh, narrow metal gate. That paradise came to an end (no pun intended) today as the replacement gate arrived via Amazon’s speed shipping. This is the first and only time I could have waited a few more days for my order to arrive. […]

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