On the Eve of New Eyebrows

2I know this goal chart is not on fleek, but damn it, we made it! Thanks for all your love and support! As of yesterday afternoon, Lynnette has raised enough money to pay for her eyebrow micro-blading! Lynnette received a mileage reimbursement check in the mail and it will cover the remainder of her eyebrow procedure. “But Phil,” you say, flexing your logic. “Isn’t that just a check that covers money you guys have already spent?” Yes. Yes, it is. BUT NEW EYEBROWS, THO.

1Honestly, I don’t think I could handle having to DIY my eyebrows everyday. There’s no chance they’d even resemble each other. Whenever we get ready to leave the house, Lynnette spends 20 minutes applying her makeup.She leans over the sink and uses both hands to draw in her eyebrows.

CONFESSION: when Lynnette is vulnerable like this, I sneak up behind her. Before I can even do anything, she shouts “GET OUT!” But I can’t blame her because she knows what’s in my heart. I will completely ignore her command because she needs her focus and attention for making symmetrical eyebrows. So I get up behind her real close, then start dancing behind her like we’re at World Cafe circa 1997. Depending on my mood, I also sing while doing this. My favorites include Next’s “Too Close”,  2 Live Crew’s “Big Booty Hoes”, Quad City DJ’s “C’mon N’ Ride It (The Train)”, and if I’m feeling romantic, Color Me Badd’s “Forever Love”. The first song is a personal favorite. The middle two are a callback and homage to Lynnette’s high school days when she tore up the high school dance circuit in her trademarked outfit of daisy dukes and a bandana for a top, and the last song is a mutual favorite of ours.

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