The Naked Cow Dairy Diary

A couple of days ago, Lynnette found out about a free event happening at the Naked Cow Dairy in Waianae. The problem was, she didn’t really have all of the details nailed down. “Does that sound like something you’d want to do?” she asked after explaining some of the attractions. “I guess. Where is it?” I asked. “I don’t know – google ‘Naked Farm’ or something like that,” she said. I did. My phone spat out a smattering of images I didn’t expect or appreciate. “Is it really ‘Naked Farm’?” I asked. “I don’t know. Why?” she asked. “Because porn,” I said. She laughed. “Oh, oh, oh! Naked Cow, Naked Cow!” she said through her laughter. Great.


Two turkeys!

Madison was the most excited of our kids because she’s the only one who can understand complete sentences. “A farm?” she said. “Yes – why don’t you wear your farmer’s hat,” Lynnette replied. This is the same hat I’ve been trying (unsuccessfully) to convince Madison to get rid of – among a bunch of many, many other things – in the hopes of clearing out her room. Nope.

Madison enjoyed looking at the turkeys, roosters, and chickens. I think she most enjoyed feeding the goats trusses of straw. I most enjoyed when Madison went to get some straw at the same time as a young boy. He was reckless and pulled the straw out of the bin quickly with two hands. All of the small, dusty bits in the bin came flying out and some of it landed on Mad’s back. The young boy’s mother apologized like crazy. “It’s fine,” I said. I took a step towards Mad, but the woman beat me to it. She tried swiping the debris off Mad’s back. But since Mad was leaning over slightly, her back and waistline were exposed and the woman swiped some of that detritus straight into Mad’s buttcrack. It was so hard not to laugh.


Goat Boy!

Cole was also interested in the straw, but not for the same reasons as Madison. Cole rather enjoyed shaking the gates of the goat pen and collecting pieces of straw that were stuck in the metal of the gate. Whenever Cole’s at the park, he collects sticks and sometimes larger twigs that have fallen off trees. As such, I wasn’t too surprised by Cole’s collection of straw. Lynnette noticed Cole’s handful of straw when she picked him up, but she didn’t notice until too late that he had stuffed some of it into his mouth. Maybe he was influenced by the goats? Who’s to say? Lynnette yanked the straw from Cole’s mouth despite Cole’s strenuous objections. Apparently, he has no fear of the fever/rash/hives he’s been hit with this week because whatever, you know?


Bring Avery to a farm means everyone else is on extra-hyper-alert to make sure she doesn’t pick up anything and eat it.

Avery, of course, is absolutely fearless, so what she really wanted to do was chase any moving thing around. She was upset whenever I scooped her up to carry her. She scolded me for blocking her access to the chickens sauntering the farmland. When we finally did lest her walk on her own for a bit, she decided to just imitate a peacock. She stood in this spot staring right at Lynnette, inviting her to take a whole slew of pictures. She turned several times, hit a bunch of poses. I don’t know. Maybe she doesn’t just look like Lynnette. Maybe Avery’s inherited some kind of transcendental knowledge about modeling while in the womb, that very same knowledge that Lynnette acquired through years of modeling school. The very same knowledge that has been passed down, mother to daughter, since the earliest days of the Susan Page dynasty.

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