Our Very Own April Fool

Relevant Information: Madison is deathly afraid of spiders.

This is all Lynnette. I had no intention of “celebrating” April Fools’ Day at all, but 2 days ago she posted a link to an article boasting 50 Awesome April Fools’ Pranks. She included the message “#19 for the Goob”. I actually opened the link and scrolled down to #19.

4I laughed out loud, then totally forgot about it until last night. Lynnette mentioned it and I was surprised to learn she was serious. This morning we woke before Madison and she set up her elaborate prank. I was still half-asleep and not really into the idea of moving off the couch to help. “How am I going to make the hole?” she whispered. “Don’t make the hole,” I said. “What?” she said. “It’ll be better if she thinks it’s still in there. Otherwise it could be anywhere or already out of the house,” I said. I popped up. I guess I was interested in what Lynnette was doing after all.

1This is Lynnette’s rendition of the prank. Her decision to place the cup on Madison’s iPad is genius. Evil genius. In retrospect, the giveaway is Lynnette’s handwriting; it’s way too neat to reflect fear or urgency of any kind. Anyway, the coasters at the top where my idea for effect. Then we waited. We’re patient and Madison is not. This is why Madison can never prank us.

Madison’s been trying to prank us all day. The only one that would have actually got me was when she took the batteries out of the remote control. I can totally see myself pressing the buttons harder and harder and grumbling until I checked the empty chamber. I can also hear Madison’s cackling from somewhere in the living room. But she sabotaged her own prank by aggressively trying to get Lynnette to use the remote control. Lynnette got irritated with the constant badgering and replied with “If you love the remote control so much, why don’t you – oh LulaRoe sale!” Okay, she didn’t say that, but she didn’t bother to use the remote, either. Madison was disappointed and revealed her plan to me.

2When we finally gathered for breakfast Lynnette waited a few minutes to reveal the spider problem to Madison. Madison got off her seat, walked around the table and read the note. Tears formed in her eyes as she walked back to her food. “Why did you trap it on my iPad, mom?!” she shouted. “It was late and I was just trying to stop it,” Lynnette said. “Why didn’t you squish it last night?” Madison demanded. “It was too dark, Mad. What if we missed? We would have lost it under the table or something,” I said. “I think it’s a cane spider,” Lynnette said. I didn’t know she was going to say this, but I almost laughed when she did. Cane spider? That’s terrible. But not that terrible. “What does a cane spider look like?” I asked. “Google it,” Lynnette said. So I did. I showed her this picture. “Oh, but that’s probably not real,” I said. “Yeah, somebody probably made that spider bigger,” Madison quickly agreed. A few moments passed. “Who’s gonna squish it?” she said. “You are,” I said. It was at this exact moment that Lynnette snapped this picture of Madison. “I’m not gonna do it!” she shouted. “Mad, if it was on my iPad, I wouldn’t make you do it,” I said. Super-sound logic. The next few minutes were quiet. Madison barely touched her food. She had 8 furry legs on her mind.

3I realized I needed to advance the game. I stood and mouthed for Lynnette to get her phone ready. I took my plate and Lynnette’s plate and headed towards the sink. “Are you going to squish it?” Madison asked. “No,” I said. I held up the plates. “I’m taking these to the sink. I placed the dishes in the sink and came back to Cole. His seat is nearest the spider cup. I took his tabletop off, turned toward the table and “accidentally” knocked over the cup with my elbow. Madison stood in her seat (as captured here). She didn’t yell, she didn’t scream. She turned, hopped onto the chair next to hers, jumped to the floor, hurdled the couch, popped up, then sprinted into the twins’ room. She later revealed she jumped into Cole’s crib! I have never seen Madison move so fast or athletically in her entire life. Lynnette and I were stunned. I didn’t even have time to dramatically shout “Oh no!” or “He’s loose!” or “Oh, no, Madison! He’s on your legggggggg!” She was just out.

She was still in the twins’ room when we tried to tell her it was a joke. She didn’t believe us. “APRIL FOOLS’!” we shouted. She emerged in the doorway with sniffles and tears. She wasn’t even mad. It was too good.

Madison,
Someday, you will be clever and patient enough to completely destroy your mom and me. I cannot wait.

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