Today is the first time I’ve watched one of Madison’s May Day Programs. I’ve had 6 or 7 chances before this year, but things never worked out. Sometimes the program dates were a day or two before the AP English Literature exam, so I wanted to stay at school to get in one more review day. Some years I used up my 2 personal days on other emergencies before I ever got to May.
Madison was great. I couldn’t see her very well but it does seem that all those dance classes are finally paying off. She was graceful and on time (two qualities she certainly did not inherit from me) and looked confident of her knowledge in the choreography. Earlier in the week she excitedly told me that hers was the only class in the school using rocks. She did a great job with those and I am absolutely thrilled that she hasn’t brought them home to continue her studies. We’ve already got a recording lying around here somewhere.
I sat in the sun for two hours before the program began in order to assure Lynnette a goods spot from which to watch. An old friend – a woman who Lynnette worked with at summer fun – was already there with one of her children. We did some rehashing and some catching up. We both marveled at how much time has passed since we were all in our early 20s and the only kids we had were those in our summer fun groups.
Mad’s already 9, four years away – she reminds me – from finally getting her own phone. Once in a while Facebook reminds Lynnette of something she’s posted years ago, and sometimes Lynnette shares those moments with me. If they feature a picture of Madison, I almost always tear up. We really were best friends. It’s been so long, we’ve argued so much that I forget. I am too critical of her. I am to hard on her. I see my own worst traits in her and I am terrified that she will grow up into a lazy procrastinator who always looks for the shortest cut across the path of least resistance. But I think maybe it’s me that has to change. She and I are going to spend all our time together this summer again.
I’ll try very hard to be more positive. I’ll try to focus on the things that you do well instead of the things that you struggle with. You did a great job today! Let’s finish out this school year on a positive note and then have a great summer. I love you.