Voldemort is Dead! Long Live Voldemort!

It is the end of an era.

I bought my Asus laptop in the summer of 2012. Our relationship began poorly; I had to send it back to the manufacturer for repairs less than a month into the honeymoon phase. Once I got it back, however, it was a reliable machine. I named it Voldemort because, you know, VOLDEMORT IS BACK! For nearly 5 years it did whatever I asked of it.

1Truth be told, I love this computer. Writing this blog entry is the last thing I will do on it before wiping its memory. The rubberized typing surface began to peel away a few years ago and – save for a remote spots – has been worn away to reveal a smooth plastic surface that maybe they should have gone with from the start. The numbers from 3-7 stick, as do the letters Q, X, and Z. I can’t turn the trackpad off and it’s so sensitive that any kind of light grazing moves my cursor and drives me insane. The result is an increase in an already embarrassingly high number of typos and slower typing times. Worst of all, Voldemort makes a loud rattling noise that comes and goes (though once it comes, it sticks around for a while). It is so bad that anyone who came within five feet of my desk would ask “What is that?” “Huh?” I’d say. “That noise,” they’d say. “Oh, that’s my computer,” I’d say. They’d reply with commentary ranging from “Oh” to “Yikes!” to “Maybe it’s time to start looking for a new computer.”

2I usually do hours of research before making a purchase like this. I would have looked for the best PC by price and features. I would have narrowed it down to 2 or 3. I would have checked multiple sites for the best price. I didn’t really do any of that. I gave in instead. My coworker (and former student!) Wayland suggested a Macbook. He had his for 8 years before it died on him. He brought his shiny toy into work yesterday and began setting it up. “I’m a PC guy,” I said. “I was, too,” he said. “But then I bought three computers in the same time that all my friends were using the same Macbooks,” he continued. “Just do it,” he said, possibly unaware that that’s Nike’s slogan rather than Apple’s. But eh. A baseball writer I follow on Twitter recently suggested the same to a user who questioned him. I messaged him for more info and he basically said the same: he’d had his for 4 years, no problems, super-low maintenance, no regrets. So, yeah, I picked myself up an end-of-school-year-present. Lynnette said it was OK.

Voldemort,
Of all the computers I have owned – all the way back to the 8 GB Dell I used throughout college – you were the best and lasted the longest. Perhaps I might get a few months or a year more out of you, but I’d rather remember you the way you were (and also, I’d like not to get caught off-guard and lose a bunch of stuff). Thanks for all of the quizzes and tests I’ve created with you; five years worth of blog posts; the wrestling and movie shows; and countless hours of Internet browsing. For this and more, you have earned this blog’s ultimate honor:

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