“I swear the Dunkin’ Donuts hype in Hawaii won’t die down until I’m back in AZ, at a Dunkin’ that’s completely empty.” -Carina, a former student
Dunkin’ Donuts on Wednesday opened its first Oahu store in years. As with all mainland food chains newly opening in Hawaii, it brought much fanfare with it. Lynnette tried to pick some up earlier in the week. She drove around the block three times and each time a police officer at the entrance to the drive-thru turned her away so as to keep traffic clean. “And then one time I passed by and this other cop let a car in with less space than I had when the other cop told me no!” she said, apoplectic in retelling the tale.
“Well, if you’re gonna wait in line, why not wait in the one that’s air conditioned?” -Phil Higa, pointing to his head like the guy in that one meme
We assumed Dunkin’ Donuts would still be busy today, but gave it a shot anyway because we were in the neighborhood. Cole had an appointment for a hair cut at 2 pm and we got in line at 1. At 1:30 I called the barber to cancel.
“Hi, I have an appointment for Cole at 2.”
“Yes, sir, how can I help you?”
“I made a huge miscalculation by getting into the Dunkin Donut’s line, we’re not going to make it. I’m going to have to cancel.”
“Ooooh…we have a Dunkin’ Donuts here?”
“Yeah, just opened Wednesday.”
“So, yeah. I’m gonna have to cancel.”
“Oh, right! Thanks for calling, sir!”
“I’m gonna go on their website and see what their offerings are.” -Lynnette Higa, drooling all over her phone
We noticed what looked like an inefficiency in the drive-thru line: it was taking people much longer to make their order than to receive the food. Makes sense, most people wouldn’t inherently know what is on the menu in the same way that they might hypothetically have a McDonald’s number four, large, no pickles, with a Coke memorized – requiring no thought for speaking it. Lynnette cleverly went to the website to check out the menu. As she is a savvy shopper in every sense, she figured out her order long before we got to the intercom. Also, it gave her a chance to fantasize about what and how she was going to devour the same way she used to do for me, back when my stomach didn’t hang over the waistband of my shorts.
“I’m sorry, sir, we don’t have those in right now. Hmm…let me check on those…we only have the blueberry and chocolate.” -woman on the drive-thru speaker
When it was finally our turn to order, we found out why things were taking so long:
A) They didn’t have everything on the website menu.
B) They were limiting each order to a dozen, filling each box with an assortment rather than letting people pick and choose (because they were super busy)
C) What was available was changing constantly (because they were super busy).
So, now for the $16.40 question:
“Honestly, was a one-hour wait for 7 doughnuts, a bag of munchkins, and a caramel latte worth it?”
“Hell, yeah!” -Lynnette Higa, doing her pre-snack lust dance
“Of course, dad, it’s doughnuts!” -Madison Higa, prying open the box of doughnuts
***raspberry noise*** – Avery Higa
***sound of sucking on binky*** -Cole Higa
***sound of inhaling a Boston Kreme doughnut*** -Phil Higa
Happiest about procuring Dunkin’ Donuts Power Rankings:
#7 – Cole: Cole ate his first muchkin very quickly, leading Lynnette to believe he was a big fan of the treat. She gave him a second doughnut hole and he promptly crushed it in the palm of his hand, getting crumbs everywhere, except for his mouth.
#6 – The roaches in the van: In addition to loving doughnut crumbs, they also love Cole.
#5 – Avery: Ironically, Avery is the one who usually crushes her food. I guess she knows what rare occurrence she was treated with today.
#4 – Abby: Abby has gained 5 pounds since the twins started eating in the high chairs because she roves the carpet beneath them for fallen bits. Or she just licks their hands and faces. Whatever works, she said. She also said to follow her in Instagram at @abby_higa.
#3 – Lynnette: She did get her latte, but she also got an alternate version of one doughnut she wanted, and they forgot to include her jelly-filled. She would have ranked #1 had her expectations been met, but Dunkin’ Donuts is new to Hawaii so they had no way of knowing that Lynnette’s expectations are impossible to meet. But they shoulda known.
#2 – Phil: By default, mostly. The are too young to understand what’s really happening, the dog wasn’t there, the roaches had to wait until we left the van, and Lynnette was bummed out. But the Boston kreme was pretty good, though.
#1 – Madison: Timing had us in the drive-thru after lunchtime and we hadn’t eaten yet. “I guess you’re going to get doughnuts for lunch,” I said. Madison looked at me and the angle of her eyebrows were as sharp as those on the face of Bad Boy Club logo – except she was smiling. I guess she must have felt it was totally her lucky day because she even had the courage to tap on Lynnette’s coffee drink – we very rarely let her have caffeine – and look up at me. “Sure, why not, it’s their grand opening,” I said. She took a sip and raised her head. Those evil eyebrows were bouncing up and down wildly about ping pong ball-sized eyes.