My name is Phil and it seems like the only birthday gifts I get each year are another 5 pounds. I like eating and holding on to clothes that no longer fit under the pretense that I’ll get in shape and fit them again someday. This is a pipe dream, but it’s the last one I’ve got left since the Major League Baseball player and famous poet deals didn’t work out. JUST LET ME HAVE THIS ONE.
If you flip through the older posts on this blog, you might find my thoughts on movies, music, and other aspects of popular culture. I don’t do that any more because I got a bunch of kids and at 37 I’ve basically become one of those “back in my day” kind of guys. You either die a hero or live long enough to become your parents.
This is my wife Lynnette. I haven’t called her that in years, though. She’s Mom, Mem, Babe, Hotness Everdeen, Hot McStuffins, or Sens. For reasons we’re still not completely certain of, she fell in love with me; if you look up “outkicked his coverage” on Google, you’ll get a bunch of sports metaphors but possibly also a picture of my wife and me together.
She’s a great wife and an amazing mother. She also has this amazing super power which prevents her from ever being wrong. “Why don’t you use this power for good, to help the planet – instead of just showing me up all the time?” I once asked her. She didn’t answer. “But with great power comes great responsibility!” I shouted. She responded with something about Chocolea melts.
Madison is our oldest daughter. About a week ago, she was watching The Little Mermaid with Lynnette and noted “King Triton is just like daddy.” She’s not wrong, but she forgot to add the part about how she’s just like Ariel. She’s curious, stubborn, and also moves around like she just got human legs yesterday.
She loves her dance class, making slime, exploring playgrounds, going to the pool and the beach, and pretending that she can’t hear me. Her favorite subjects are math and science which cuts me to the core. But she’s already smarter than I was at her age in that she can add, subtract, multiply and divide.
People in my family refer to Cole as “Phil Jr.” and in all honesty it’s 3% the sidecomb and 97% the cheeks and chins. At least he still has a change to outgrow his.
Cole enjoys the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, his plastic shapes and shape-sorter box, fruits, and getting out of the house. He currently has this odd fixation with moving things from one container or compartment to another. For example, he takes twice as long to eat meals as his younger sister because he spends the first few minutes of each meal rearranging the food in the different slots of his plate. Two days ago he learned do say the word “done” and has been shouting at us whenever possible.
Avery is Cole’s twin sister, but pretty much in name only. She decided to stretch out in the womb for 18 hours after Cole was born. Did she care that her mother was on a strict diet of ice chips for something like 36 hours? Not particularly, no.
When Avery was 7 moths old, she get very sick. She almost died. And though we have no substantive evidence to prove our theory, Lynnette and I have posited that her survival from this near-death experience has made her into a thrill seeker. She loves climbing things for the sole purpose of jumping off of them. She has no fear of consequences (and sadly, of authority). “Is this just a phase?” I have been known to say while staring directly at her.
Abby is our maltese/hotdog mix. She’s been in the family for over six years. Lynnette took clandestine trips to the pet store for two weeks before working up the courage to ask me to buy Abby.
Abby is a loyal dog who has finally learned to differentiate between doorbells in commercials and our actual doorbell. She has gained weight in the 18 months since the twins were born because Cole and Avery like to toss her food from their highchairs. I can’t know for sure, but I suspect that Abby considers the twins the greatest things to ever happen into her life. But she won’t eat Cheerios, though.
The entries on this blog are mostly the stories of the small moments that add up to a lifetime. The most I can hope for is that maybe you see a little bit of yourself and your family within. Enjoy.