Ghost Adventures, The World Series, and no Mad Men

This shot is from any episode you've ever seen- right after he asks his partner "Did you hear that?"- but right before he starts screaming, "Are you still living here? What they do to you? Do you kill children, you bastard? Did you hear that?"

*I’m sorry, I know I’ve shit all over this show in the past, but Lynnette subjected our home to a Ghost Adventures marathon over the weekend so I’ve got more venom for a show that-quite frankly-I don’t understand. I’m going to try my best not to make steroid jokes, and fake dialogue that questions the sexual preferences of spirits that may or may not inhabit whatever condemned building they’re visiting this week, but it’ll be hard.

I don’t understand the premise of the show. I’ve tried. As near as I can tell, they’re attempting to prove the existence of supernatural forces, ghosts, spirits, orbs, whatever. But every show plays out exactly the same and the entire program hinges on the use of two words: might and could. If you ever listen to Zak speak about what they’ve discovered, not only does it sound like he’s constantly reading off of cue cards, but it he also seasons his discussion of their “finds” with those two aforementioned words. It isn’t uncommon for him to say something like:

Seconds after I felt something tap my sack, we picked up this EVP on our static recorder, (muted mumbling). It appears that a spirit is upset , “… go away…” To us, this could be and the ghost of a young girl who might have never had the chance to date.

Even their visual “evidence” is difficult to accept because in 2010, any image/video can be altered to show anything. I’m not one to say that supernatural things are impossible, but like so many things in life (and possibly more so) these kinds of irrational, illogical claims can’t readily be accepted unless they are personally experienced. They can scream and holler and run all they want, but the show feels manufactured because of the heavy editing between the actual hand-held footage. Most of all, I never understand the end of the episode which is basically a two-sentence recap of the historical significance of the location. What’s lacking is any kind of definitive call on what has happened during the episode. In a sense, the show does nothing except provide a poorly-lit tour of some place no rational human being would ever visit. Personally, my favorite part of the show is the end, when the three guys are sitting in chairs and yelling into the camera. I have no idea who they’re supposed to be talking to, or what the point of the speech is supposed to be, but it’s always hyper-aggressive sounding. Mostly, it reminds me of Macbeth’s description of life. You know, full of sound and fury signifying nothing… except unintentional comedy.

That's a pretty awesome consolation prize should the Rangers fall short of winning the World Series.

*Yahoo!’s Steven Hensen comments on a pretty neat sub-plot of the 2010 World Series: no matter what happens, Bengie Molina (left, wearing the jersey that says “Molina”) will earn a World Series ring. The Rangers acquired Molina from the Giants earlier in the summer, and as such is eligible for a World Series ring regardless of which team wins.

Sure, this isn’t a “win-win” situation in its purest sense, but honestly, it’s better than nothing. And besides, things could have been much worse for Molina: prior to the 2010 season, he was being courted by the New York Mets, but signed with the Giants instead. Good call, Bengie. Not so good call, Jason Bay.

I can’t say that I’m “excited” for this World Series, but I’m thrilled that neither the Yankees (boo!) nor the Phillies (I hate them) are involved. We’ve got some fresh faces and names which could make themselves known over the next two weeks. I always look forward to that because the time I spend with Sports Center and Baseball Tonight has rapidly decreased over the years. There was a time when I’d watch Baseball Tonight twice a night. Now I’m lucky if I see it once a week during the season. That’s just life with a tyrant for a two-and-a-half-year-old daughter. It’s cool though, because the past few seasons of fantasy baseball have been odd for me. I’ve been drafting players, waiving them, and picking them up simply by looking at their numbers. I didn’t even know what David Murphy looked like until this post-season, but he was a member of most of my fantasy teams  for nearly a month when he got hot and Nellie Cruz (left, wearing the jersey that says “Cruz”) got hurt.

First impressions:

1. Ian Kinsler needs to cut his hair.

2. I love that Barry Zito makes more money than any player on either team, but isn’t even on the Giants active roster.

3. Lynnette asked “Does everybody just get bigger braided Phitens for the playoffs?”

4. The way Lincecum has pitched and been used in the play-offs means I ain’t touching him with a 70-foot pole (as opposed to the 30-foot one I usually don’t touch him with) during next season’s fantasy baseball drafts.

5. Ginger ale sales must be up 600% in the state of Texas.

6. I still don’t know who the cameras have spent more time featuring: Josh Hamilton or Nolan Ryan.

7. Is it too soon to say that any team that organically comes up with some kind of team gimmick (Red Sox Idiots ’04, Yankees Catching the Batting Helmet/Shaving Cream Pies ’09, Rangers Claw and Antlers ’10) becomes an odds-on favorite to win the World Series?

8. I can’t decide whether I’m more thrilled that I won’t have to hear about Derek Jeter’s contract for the next two weeks or the amazing competitive natures of both Roys Halladay and Oswalt. I suppose it doesn’t matter. Yay!

I don't know what to do with myself, either, Don.

*With season 4 of Mad Men wrapping up last Sunday, I find myself with nothing to do tonight but type about how I’d rather not be typing, but watching Mad Men instead. The show was about the last one Lynnette and I could devote a weekly spot to since our schedules appear to get more hectic by the day, and weeknights are usually reserved trying to get Mad to eat, then take a shower, then fall asleep.

This week will also be softball-less as the Wrecking Crew has a bye this week. This is not good news for me as whatever rust I’ve shaken off of myself will probably grow right back in the two-weeks of non-softball activity. We lost last week on a walk-off single with 2 outs. That sucked.

But it didn’t suck as much as tonight does without watching Don Draper sexually accost someone, or Roger Sterling making an inappropriate and ill-timed comment about someone or something, or Peggy Olson trying something (or someone) new and learning something new about herself in the process. Or waiting for Joan’s husband to get blown up. Or Don Draper behaving like Keanu Reeves in Speed– only you’d have to change around a few words in the plot- replacing “bus” with “penis” and “stay above 55 MPH” with “insert into a vagina” and finally “or else it will explode” with “so that it can explode.” Or waiting for Sally Draper to become a hippie. Or hoping they decide to bring Salvatore Romano back just for a storyline that is completely different from anything else- hey, it’s possible with Lee Garner, Jr. and Lucky Strike out of the picture. Or Pete Campbell shouting indignantly about something or other. Or Lane Pryce serving as the secret source of humor due to Jared Harris’ dry delivery. Or Don Draper re-enacting the Jedi Temple scene in The Revenge of the Sith with him in the Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader role, his penis playing the lightsaber, and the younglings replaced by young women. Can’t wait for season 5, Mad Men.

Mad Men: “Tomorrowland”

Unlike my daughter's predilection for shiny jewelery, I didn't see Don and Megan (seriously, anyway) coming.

*Spoiler alert. This blog discusses the last night’s season finale of Mad Men. My friend Brett sent me a message about the show and I started to reply to him, but 3 paragraphs in, I figured I may as well just turn it into a blog.

This past episode was unsettling for me because of what it might mean for Don. Throughout the first 4 seasons, he’s been portrayed as a womanizer who tried to screw everything that crossed his path with the three exceptions of Joan (no idea why), his old lady secretary (I know exactly why), and Peggy (I think I know why). I was led to believe that this was just a part of Don’s character since he was cheating with that starving artist chick (Midge?) from the very beginning of the series.

What the finale implied though, was that there might have been a reason for Draper’s rampant whoring aside from the “that’s just who he is” explanation the writers had provided since the inception of the series. After the events of the season 4 finale, it’s possible that he had always engaged in extra-marital affairs simply because he was unhappy with his wife, and therefore his life.

Betty’s only positive quality is her beauty. In the seasons prior to her divorce, she was portrayed as victim and more or less justified in her actions and behavior because her husband had cuckolded her a thousand times over. Since the Drapers have gotten divorced, she has been the same character she’s always been: an unreasonable person who can’t make adjustments whenever things don’t go her way (my friend Brett called her “the very definition of ‘static’”). And that’s where it is possible to see an entire shift in the equation. Prior to the separation, it was easy to paint Don as the bad guy in the relationship, as Betty appeared to do little else but pour herself into her family while Don was busy pouring himself into other women. But what we (along with Henry Francis) are learning is that maybe Betty was the problem all along.

As a married man, I feel for Henry Francis. As a man not married to January Jones, I feel like he should sack it up.

Brett also wrote:

“He [Don] wanted a family, and probably earnestly loved Betty from the beginning (I couldn’t believe this up until this episode, though episodes like the “The Wheel” made me question my steadfastness to this assumption), but he had no way of knowing what kind of mother she’d be.

Brett’s probably right, but that’s how we were supposed to feel because as an audience, we never saw Don and Betty fall in love. We never knew what he saw in her other than her looks. We never knew what she was like before she became Betty Draper, though I would guess she wasn’t much more different.

Henry’s struggles with Betty only serve to illuminate Betty’s character. At the outset of his relationship with Betty, he perceived Don (and his effect on Betty) to be the problem, driving his car into Don’s boxed-up belongings in the garage. As this season has progressed, though, we’ve seen a once-hopeful Henry crushed by his inability to have any kind of rational discussion with Betty. This all came to a head in their conversation about firing Carla, the family maid. Henry and Betty essentially sum up Betty’s character when Betty coldly says to Henry, “I wish you’d take my side for once,” and Henry replies with (paraphrasing from memory), “No one’s ever on your side, Betty.” I took it to be Henry’s sarcastic statement of Betty’s mindset. Betty is the kind of character who tried to have things both ways. She wants “someone to talk to,” but also doesn’t see any reason why she needs a therapist, and attempts to talk to her daughter’s psychologist in lieu of her own help. She never takes responsibility for her own actions. She’s blamed Don, Henry, and now Carla. She didn’t even have an answer for the teenaged Glen who fired the parting shot, “Just because you’re unhappy doesn’t mean everyone else has to be.”  What it looks like now is Don could never be happy with Betty because Betty can never be happy- with or without Don, or anyone else.

If that’s true, then suddenly, all of Don’s womanizing makes sense. Early in the series, he made two separate (however impulsive) attempts to “run away” with another woman, first the starving artist, then with the woman who owned the department store. At the time, I wondered how he’d be able to do that considering he already had children and responsibilities, but I think there was a reason he was willing to leave all of it behind. He hated Betty. But more specifically, he couldn’t separate his relationship with Betty and his relationships with his children so long as he was married. They were a package deal.

Don’s relationship with his children was always going to be strained because of his job, but it was exacerbated by his relationship with Betty. Early in the series, Don’s parenting style was the more laid back of the two. He’d be swift and clear, and only drop the hammer whenever something serious happened. Over time, his attitude towards his children started to resemble Betty’s style*, and this shift was no doubt a consequence with his escalating problems with Betty. Now that they are divorced, he has a chance to develop relationships with them outside of the context of their psycho mother. First the Beatles concert, and then going forward with the Disneyland trip knowing it would be a logistical nightmare- before he secured Megan’s services. It looks like he’s trying. He has a real chance (I never would have guessed he’d actually get in the pool with them) to be a father to them without the weight of having to deal with their mother, who it should be said, appears to have brought him nothing but unhappiness.

However, you, Dr. Miller, should have seen this coming.

This brings us to Don’s last two sexual partners, Dr. Miller (left) and his secretary (and new fiancée), Megan. Initially, it seemed plausible that the relationship between Dr. Miller and Don could work out because she had one thing going in her favor: she rebuffed his advances. Don Draper likes things he’s told he can’t have. Additionally, unlike most of his sexual conquests, she had a solid sense of self and as Brett described her, she was a “self-made woman,” which he argued, Don admired. In the end, it didn’t work out because of Megan, but we’re not quite there yet.

One of the first things Don and Faye Miller agreed upon was the internal struggle inherent to all human beings, the management of often opposing responsibilities: what a person wants vs. what is expected of them. This revelation of this concept is the single greatest contribution Dr. Miller’s character made to the show. Prior to last night, I would have argued that what Don wanted was to sow his seed forever, and having a family was what was expected of him. His trip to Disneyland with Megan turned that assumption in its head.

Megan (Jessica Pare) is beautiful, if not the knock out that January Jones is. But it’s more about what she isn’t: she’s not high strung. Citing Brett again:

…But you could see the twinkle in his [Don’s] eye the first time Megan hugged Sally, and when she didn’t scold Sally for spilling her milkshake, and when she taught them a song to sing Gene to sleep. After all this time, Don really had what he never wanted – a real family that is loving and supporting.

I agree in part with his statement, that Megan opened his eyes to something, and I saw it most clearly during the milkshake spill. Don’s first reaction to Sally was anger*. He shouted at her, only his rage was cut short by Megan who countered with “It’s only a milkshake,” and calmly used paper towels to wipe up the mess. In short, he reacted the way Betty does whenever something doesn’t work out in her favor. All Megan did was remind him that it wasn’t really that big a deal, even if she was wearing her last dress. During that scene, Don looked at her in a way (as Brett said) that I’ve never seen him look at another woman. It was a kind of awe. What this episode did was introduce the possibility that Don’s promiscuity wasn’t was a “what he wanted” (or a built-in character flaw), but rather the result of his unhappiness with Betty. Last night’s episodes appears to portray Don as a person who does want a family, only not the one he had.

Don't be sad, girl, being one of the many to be "humped and dumped" by Don Draper is like being struck out by Tim Lincecum: Sure, you're one of the many, but it's an elite many.

His decision to propose was abrupt, and unusual because for the first time Don Draper looked and sounded like a sincere Romantic. Sure, he can break out the heartfelt, nostalgic stuff for business, but he didn’t have that looming over him. The line that killed me was when he said something to the effect of “Think about all the things that had to happen just for me to get to know you.” Don had always been a pragmatist. He had always dealt with most things in the most practical way- even if it completely ignored emotions. Megan has an odd effect on him. She’s confident, she’s possessive, and there’s something else. The best way I can put it is that she seems to see him clearly. Most noticeably, though, she is the only woman who has made Don Draper desperate for her. Their interaction in bed during the early morning was a turn. Why should it matter whether or not he can come and knock on her door the next night? That shit never matters to Don Draper. Remember, he’s the guy who grabbed Bobby Barrett by the crotch in the middle of a crowded restaurant and pretty much raped his former secretary (left) who would later go on to throw a tantrum in his office. But as usual, Don is right. He lucked into her. If Daniel Larusso’s mom doesn’t die, Megan never gets set at his door. If Glen never comes over, Carla never gets fired. If Carla never gets fired, Don doesn’t need Megan to go on the trip, and that’s where the magic happened.

Dr. Miller never stood a chance because. Don cheated on her with Megan before he even cared about Megan. Metaphorically, Dr. Miller was to Don what Buck Showalter was to the Yankees in the early-90s and to the Diamondbacks in the late-90s. Someone good enough to save him from disaster, but not good enough to go all the way with. Last night’s finale revealed (to me, anyway) that Don always knew this because Dr. Miller didn’t want children and didn’t know how to deal with them (by her own admission). She was more of a friend that he could openly talk to (like Anna) than a passionate lover. I do have to hand it to Dr. Miller, though, she did drop the line of the night, “I hope she knows you only write the beginning of things.”

And that’s why it’s fitting that the episode was titled “Tomorrowland.” It applies, of course, to the trip to Disneyland, but also the idea of the infinite possibilities that lie ahead in the future. I’m hopeful for Don, but not optimistic. I am still not convinced that his days of promiscuity are over. The only way it can be is if Megan (and the whole family thing) is really what he wants. As Brett has said:

Sleeping around is an old habit (for me). I don’t even think about anymore. It’s like breathing or having a beer with breakfast. After a while, it’s not just something  you do, it’s just you. And you know, they say, old habits die hard. Especially when you don’t want them to die, necessarily.

Okay, he didn’t say that. But it still makes the point. I wonder if Don’s proposal had anything to do with the Anna’s death (it was her ring he proposed with after all) because if it is, then it’s not really about Megan, and mostly about him not wanting to be alone. I hope he stops sleeping around. The writers of the show threw some Sandy Koufax-quality curveballs last night. Can’t wait to see how it all plays out. Usually, the best thing about tomorrow is the hope for a better day.

3 Ways of Looking at Death

She cleans up well. She just never cleans up.

1. Every time I see Amy Winehouse’s name soaring up the charts on Yahoo!’s “Trending Now” search list, my instinct is that she’s dead. She’s put together such an amazing string of drug-related drama that I figure anything like that- rehab, a drug arrest, gouging someone’s eye out in public- would be old hat. That’s right, Amy Winehouse has joined the elite few who have done everything conceivable on this earth. It must be quite an amazing thing to know that you’ve crossed out every item (including getting a tattoo of a button-down shirt pocket along with her then-boyfriend’s name on her left boob) on popular culture’s collective bucket list by the age of 27. I tip my cap, Amy. I still haven’t seen Stone Temple Pilots live and that’s in the the top 5 of my list.

Incidentally, Amy Winehouse is further proof that great artists are anywhere from “slightly” to “unequivocally” crazy. She’s got this voice and this presence, but they can’t be separated from the rest of her. My classmate Kevin’s senior quote was “There has not been any great talent without an element of madness” (Seneca). You know what? Seneca was right. So was Kevin. Kevin once gave his rabbit a bath, but he’s also completely annihilated me in Words With Friends for three straight games. And “annihilated” is probably too nice a word. Had I not such the way with words, I might be tempted to say that he “took me behind the shed, beat me Full Metal Jacket-style, then berated me while I was unconscious Ghost Adventures-style, put me out of my misery Old Yeller-style, lit me on fire Angels and Demons-style, and finally- ate my remains Rapa Nui-style.

Chris Carter, OF, New York Mets. I should have tried out this year.

2. The Mets lost to the Florida Marlins by the score of 5-2 today, mathematically eliminating them from play-off contention. No, they were pretty much out of it for a while now (I trace it back to 3 weeks after the All-Star Break) but today, any possibility- even the remotest- died, continuing a 4-year play-off drought. Like I said, there really wasn’t any hope already, the loss today was just the technical confirmation of an idea that all Mets fans already knew to be true. Essentially, the Mets were “still alive” yesterday, but “still alive” meant that the Mets could conceivably make the play-offs if a combination of several of the following events occurred:

A. The Braves caught the measles like those two teams in The Mighty Ducks.

B. The Giants, Padres, and Rockies literally killed each other vying for the National League West crown. I’m thinking something along the lines of the fight scene between the news teams in Anchorman, or at least the fight between the Jets and the Sharks in West Side Story, except everybody dies. Ah, what the hell: Heath Bell vs. Brian Wilson vs. Huston Street (Closer Triple-Threat), Car-Go vs. A-Gonz (shittiest nickname), Jose Guillen vs. Jason Giambi (PED, Loser Leaves Town-finally-Match), Lincecum vs. Jimenez vs. Latos (Young Ace Title Match), Miguel Tejada vs. Todd Helton vs. Edgar Renteria (“Wish We Had You 10 years Ago Match), Tony Gwynn vs. Eric Young vs. Javier Lopez (“No, I’m not that_____________________ (fill in name of more famous player with same name). Hell-in-a-Cell).

C. Ryan Howard and CC Sabathia were injured filming a commercial for Subway. In my head, the scene called for the pair to chest bump each other, but their combined girth made performing the feat physically impossible. After roughly 28 tries, Howard sprained his ACL and MCL and PCL, and Sabathia got the yips.

D. Welington Castillo did to all of the Marlins what he did to Tyler Colvin.

Mets in 2011!

Time hasn't been kind. It must have been all that stress that the 1984 All-Valley Karate Tournament placed on her.

3. Don Draper’s latest secretary, Miss Blankenship, died on the most recent episode of Mad Men. Ida Blankenship was used primarily as comic relief, she was installed as Don’s secretary after Don hooked up with his previous assistant. Roger Sterling said of her death, “She died as she lived- surrounded by people she answered phones for.” But her character (in terms of storytelling) also died as it lived- providing laughs. The key scene came as Don and his staff could see Joan and others covering her dead body with blankets, then removing it from behind her desk on the rolling chair. As funny as she’s been, I still can’t get over that the actress who plays her (Randee Heller) also played Daniel Larusso’s mother in The Karate Kid. That just makes me feel really old. But thankfully, not as old as old Ida.

I understand that The Karate Kid is a 26-year old (!) movie, but that still doesn’t mean there was any reason to reboot/update/remake the film. In fact, there’s no reason to remake any film that has touched the lives of so many. I want to remember Daniel Larusso and his story of the hero who rises from humble beginnings in Reseda to martial arts dominance in the Valley while simultaneously getting with the hottest girl in school who was also dating the most rugged asshole in the school; all while befriending an Asian handyman and making a life-long friendship the way it was originally presented. Honestly, as far as underdog stories go, Lake Placid’s 1980 “Miracle on Ice” was probably a distant second to the saga of the Karate Kid.

One of Those “George Lucas” Kinds of Teases

"Don't f*ck with a Jedi Master, son."

*Some big news yesterday: George Lucas’ Star Wars Empire announced that all six of the Star Wars films will be released on Blu Ray in the fall of 2011. When I came across the headline, I was skeptical. George Lucas, after all, is master of the re-re-re-re-release. I don’t know where to find this kind of information, but he’s got to be the all-time leader in repackaging virtually the same product and promoting it as superior than the last version of it.

According to multiple reports, these Blu Ray editions will feature all kinds of goodies that are notoriously absent from Lucas’ home viewing releases. Supposedly, disc will feature deleted scenes, like the one to the left, from The Return of the Jedi, in which Luke has constructed his own lightsaber after losing his father’s blue one, and also his hand, at the end of The Empire Strikes Back.

This release follows the trend of Lucas waiting a few years before releasing the Star Wars films on the best home viewing technology available, as DVDs were available long before the original trilogy was transferred to that medium. Lucas claims that he was waiting for Blu Ray technology to become widely accepted and affordable before deciding to release the Holy Grail of Cinematic Sci-Fi dorkiness:

“We came out with Star Wars right at the beginning of VHS and we sold 300,000 copies. Within a few years, they were selling 1 million, 2 million, 10 million. So we learned from that experience that if you’re too early in the market place, there’s just not enough demand for it.”

Despite my desire to wait in line for these Blu Rays now, I’ll wait. I’m going to wait it out for a little while, which might mean that I’ll miss the initial production run that gets shipped to Hawaii- unless I want to pay the extortion that Suncoast will charge. But that’s okay. I’m going to wait. Then after a week or so, I’m going to hit up Amazon.com and check out what people have to say about the quality of the films and the special features. It’s kind of a survival technique. First, I’m trying to prevent myself from disappointment. Second, a thing like the ownership of every Star Wars film on Blu Ray is sadly more a luxury in my life than a necessity. There are going to be some tough choices for me to make in 2011. I’ve still got to save for a computer powerful enough to run The Old Republic when it’s released.

I wouldn't believe any part of this story if it happened to any other team.

*The story that keeps on giving… misery. After last week’s altercation and ensuing run-in with the law, New York Mets’ (and therefore, my) closer Francisco Rodriguez was revealed to have injured a ligament in his thumb during the scuffle. Let that marinate.

*Sigh*

The last four (has it really been so long?) years have really tested my patience as a Mets fan. The two collapses in 2007 and 2008 broke my heart. Last years injury-plagued campaign had the Mets out of contention by mid-summer and brought on too many memories of the early part of the last decade. But as part of the Mets’ agreement with me to find new and more horrible ways to f*ck with me, they’ve gone and done it this time.

A woman in Florida claims Johan Santana, the staff ace, of rape. Santana has already admitted to having sex with the woman, but claims it was consensual. A friend of mine already compared this to the good old Kobe Bryant/Colorado ordeal. That’s great.

The buzz regarding Rodriguez, though, has moved from talk of the law to talk of his contract status. Multiple sites are suggesting that the Mets could attempt to void the remainder of K-Rod’s contract since the injury he sustained most likely falls under a conduct and/or non-baseball activity provision in his contract. Whatever. I realize now that I will never like any Mets closer because they will blow games and I will hate them. When I think back on the last decade or so, I clearly see myself shouting, “I hate you, Armando Benitez!” and “God, can’t you get an out, Braden Looper?” or “Billy Wagner, you throw 99 miles-per-hour. Why did you just throw the 8th place hitter 3 straight sliders?” It doesn’t matter. Voided contract or no, the Mets will have a closer that I will spew venom at because he’s not Mariano Rivera. You heard it here first: The Mets will trade for the Rangers’ Frank Francisco, then sign him to a ridiculous extension. How do I know that? Because that’s what the Mets do. Mets in 2011!

TrueTrueTrueTrue!

*Whenever I watch Mad Men and witness its tragic hero, Don Draper, behave badly with women, I am torn. At times, I feel as ESPN’s Sports Guy, Bill Simmons does: I want Don to turn on the A-Game and complete annihilate the defenses and better judgment of a female mark, ending his inevitable conquest shirtless, smoking a cigarette in bed.

At other times, it just kind trips me out. The portrayal of male behavior in general on Mad Men sends me off into spirals of thought. I can’t believe that there was actually a time in this country where any of it was acceptable. Yes, the show is well-written. Yes, the characters are wonderful. I enjoy watching the series for those storytelling aspects.

I also enjoy watching the show as a kind of period piece that educates me on a period of American history that I’ve only briefly read about in books under the instruction of a history teacher. Don’t get me wrong, I have no desire to suddenly learn more about the late 50s and early 60s. It’s not really the historical context that catches my attention, it’s more the social setting. When did men stop wearing suits to work? How and why in God’s name did housewives wear elegant dresses to stay home all day? Everything in the home and office is made from some durable metal, not plastic or faux wood. When did that stop happening (I mean, I have a pretty good idea why is stopped)? The mere idea of being able to light a cigarette WHERE/WHEN EVER the hell I want is the kind of thing that excites me- just like the start of the baseball season, Christmas morning when I know my wife has stepped up, open freeways, end-of-the-season clothing sales, and 6 of my favorite movies with deleted scenes being released on Blu Ray.

Commentary “On”

There’s a whole lot going on, though I wouldn’t know it because I’ve been trapped inside my house all week while my daughter says “I hungee!” Just toss an “R” in there somewhere and you get the idea. Anyway, if it weren’t for the internet, I’d have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on in the outside world. Kind of like that time in college when I fell asleep with the curtains closed, didn’t check outside before dressing for class, went with a t-shirt, shorts, and sunglasses, got outside, saw that it was pouring, but had to sack it up because I was already going to be late for class. Good times. Anyway, I have to troll for stuff I’m interested in because other than that, it’s just the Mets.

*Apparently, Megan Fox shant be returning for Transformers 3. I wish I could muster up some kind of speech about how I’m going to miss her, but she didn’t really bring anything to the table. Oh sure, we could debate all day about the merits of her body writhing across a movie theater screen, and while I can’t speak for any other red-blooded American male, I wasn’t really watching the movie for her. No, my heart belongs to a big red semi. Anyway, her name is Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (left, cruising in the Autobot Bentley- little does she know her feminine whiles don’t work on robots), and she is already being called “Shia LeBeouf’s romantic interest,” which is kind of shocking to me considering that when I do pay my $45 dollars to watch this movie, I will not interested in romance at all. Again, there’s something about a truck that transforms into a sensible humanitarian that kind of occupies my attention. Anyway, according to Yahoo!, Rosie has no prior acting credits to her name, though she has appeared on such shows as “Britain’s Next Top Model.” She’s also reported to be dating Jason Statham. Nice job, Turkish. Amidst this rush of information, though, is the news that she has previous experience with Michael Bay. Apparently, he’s directed a Victoria’s Secret commercial. The funny thing is I remember all the VS commercials with scantily-clad women roaming about, but I don’t remember a VS commercial that featured those same scantily-clad women running from gunfire or from large fiery objects falling from the sky. Don’t forget your roots, Bay! Well, Megatron has died twice now, and I hope they don’t consider bringing him back. His character is reaching the legendary come-back-from-the-dead levels reserved only for Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, and soap opera characters. I wouldn’t mind seeing Ultra Magnus and Hot Rod- provided of course that neither serves as the heir-apparent to Optimus Prime. I already lived through that crap of a storyline once (even if it was animated) and I don’t know if I could deal with that again.

*Just finished season 3 of Mad Men and I can’t get over how well done the show is. There are only three TV shows in recent memory that made me care about what happens to most of the characters: The Wire, Lost, and Mad Men. That’s it. Since the show is set in the late-50s/early-60s, they’ve got a great opportunity to make historical allusions (like Marilyn Monroe and JFK), and also for attempts at irony. Season 3 focused on the adjustment period for the Sterling Cooper Ad Agency after being sold to another company. Once they receive word that they are going to be sold again, the three major players (Don Draper, Roger Sterling, and Burt Cooper) conspire with their boss, Lane Pryce to leave Sterling Cooper and start a new company (a t-shirt for the company, left). They take the best talent and/or people with the most existing accounts and leave in secret over the course of a weekend. I have to admit that I was really excited as the pieces started to fall. The picture on the far left is the “office” of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce and the rest of the staff. I have no idea how this will affect the other characters who worked at the OG Sterling Cooper (will we see less of them?), but I think the idea is fantastic. Most TV shows that go on for several years always run out of story to tell (just ask Lost), but this particular storyline is the best of both worlds- they’ll still be doing the ad work and living that lifestyle (the heart of the show), but it will appear fresh because they’re essentially a start-up now. It’s like starting all over- in season 4! Only not in one of those “we’re-taking-you-back-to-the-start-via-flashback-hope-you-can-follow-along” deals. There’s the rub, though. My wife and I enjoy watching the show by season (it moves slowly sometimes and we can best remember things this way)- we’re always a season behind because we wait for it to be released on Blu-Ray. Every single time I’m slumming around the internet, I avert my eyes at the mere mention of anything closely related to the show. But I’m so excited to see how this all plays out now, I don’t know if I can wait…

*Stephen Strasburg made his debut on Tuesday. Don’t act like you’re not impressed. I won’t go into the legend that is Stephen Strasburg. He can throw 100 MPH and all that. He saved 14 squirrels from a forest fire while barefoot. All of that. I tuned into the MLB Network for what was undoubtedly the most hyped debut by a baseball player I can remember (even Mark Prior wasn’t this big). He was amazing. He was working his 4-seam fastball at 97-99 and more or less maintained his velocity as the game wore on. I feel the need to explain how ridiculous that it. Very few pitchers top out at 99. That was Strasburg’s cruising velocity. He was throwing a sharp, late-breaking “curveball” at 82-83. That’s just not fair. He struck out 14 batters, walked none, and did it on less than 100 pitches. That’s crazy. Strasburg gave up a bomb on a change-up (his third best pitch) and that was about it. The thing that struck me the most was how easily the ball came out of his hand. He doesn’t have one of those max-effort deliveries like K-Rod. The ball just projectile vomits itself out of his hand. He is going to present an odd problem for opposing teams. Since everyone knows that the Nationals are going to handle him with kid gloves, other teams will be tempted to get his pitch count up. Take a few pitches, work the count, etc. The problem is that his stuff is so good that a batter can’t afford to fall behind. The last pitcher I can remember to be this out-and-out dominant was steroid-era Eric Gagne, but he was only doing it for an inning. Strasburg did it for 7. Granted, the Pirates aren’t a great team, but it’s still a line-up of Major Leaguers. The only guys who had success looked like they were guessing. It was like they were looking for a particular pitch in a specific spot. If it wasn’t there, then well, they were going to be beat. During the second time through the line up, he started throwing a 2-seam fastball at 92-94 (!) with tail into righties. If he can master the run on that pitch and turn it over into something closer of a sinker, it might be the most dominant since the steroid-era Kevin Brown’s. As a baseball fan, I’m so excited that Strasburg is happening right now- during a time in my life when I can appreciate how rare his gifts are. As a Mets fan, it depresses me to think that the foreseeable future will be filled with names like Halladay, Nolasco, Johnson, Hanson, and now Strasburg. Ugh.

*A while back, my co-worker (who ironically now lives in Arizona) briefly filled me in on the Arizona immigration law that caused a fervor because of racial implications. Politics and policy aren’t my forum, so I have to admit, I know very little about the law itself. What I do know is that it’s caused all kinds of backlash from citizens and also celebrities. Two of those famous people are Daryl and John Oates, the key members of a little band called… Hall and Oates. I caught a story that said the band would be canceling a show in Phoenix because of their personal stance on the immigration law. In other words, they can’t go for that (no can do). I’m positive someone has already made that joke, but I couldn’t help it. So… I guess it makes me happy to know that Hall and Oates are still touring and belting out their greatest hits. If you look at the picture to the left- the cover for the album H2O, both men are drenched in sweat and staring at each other while their faces are mere inches apart. They’re taking things a little too seriously. It’s awkward and it’s just an album cover. Strangely enough, though, the reason I love the music of Misters Hall and Oates is because I don’t take it seriously at all. They make the best kind of pop music, in my opinion: catchy, easy to relate to, simple, but always with subtle reminders that yes, there is genuine talent at play. Hall and Oates are the musical equivalent of The Shawshank Redemption, High Fidelity, Field of Dreams, and A Few Good Men for me. Any time I happen across those movies on the TV, I watch it. It doesn’t matter what point of the movie I stumbled into. I’ll just watch it until it’s over or something pulls me away from the TV (like a daughter shouting “I hungee!”). If I catch Hall and Oates on the radio, I’ll listen to them. If they pop up on my iPod, I have to think long and hard about jumping past them. They’ve got the best song about not doing an ambiguous something this side of Meat Loaf (“I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do)”). They’ve written about love that is so generic and beautiful it makes me crazy that they ruined it by making it specific by including a woman’s name in it (“Sara Smile”). They own one of the best feel-good songs of all time (“You Make My Dreams (Come True)”). They’ve got a better version of “One on One” than Natty Vibes. And of course, they’ve written one of the greatest audience-participation songs of all-time: “Private Eyes- clap- are watching you- clapclap- they see your every move.” I always say things like “Why don’t more people make music like Hall and Oates?” The truth is, not only would I not like it, I’d probably criticize the hell out of it. There’s only one Hall and Oates. I mean, really, when it comes down to it, what other artists can pull off an album cover like this one?